Asked by Diamond
Most high school students choose not to be in sexual relationships. Choosing not to engage in sexual contact is called abstinence. Imagine that a close friend is considering a sexual relationship and comes to you for advice. Explain to your friend the benefits of being abstinent and some specific steps that he/she can take to avoid a sexual relationship.
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Start by thanking your friend for trusting you — be calm, nonjudgmental and supportive. Then explain the benefits and give concrete, realistic steps they can use.
Benefits of choosing abstinence
- Protects against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to prevent these outcomes.
- Reduces emotional risk. Teen sexual relationships can be intense and confusing; waiting can reduce heartbreak, regret, or stress from moving faster than one is ready.
- Lets them focus on personal goals. School, sports, hobbies, family, and future plans are easier to prioritize without the time and emotional energy of sexual relationships.
- Helps them act according to their values. Abstaining can strengthen self-respect and confidence if it matches their beliefs.
- Avoids legal or social complications. Depending on where you live, there can be legal consequences or damaging rumors that follow sexual activity.
- Builds communication and relationship skills first. Waiting gives time to develop trust, respect, and healthy boundaries before adding sexual pressure.
Specific steps to avoid a sexual relationship
- Know your boundaries and decide what “abstinent” means for you. Be clear with yourself about what you will and will not do.
- Practice short, firm responses. Rehearse phrases you can use: “I’m not ready for that,” “I want to wait,” or “No, I don’t do sex.” Being brief and certain makes pressure less effective.
- Communicate early. Tell a person you’re dating or close to where you stand so expectations are clear.
- Avoid high‑risk situations. Don’t put yourself in private places where sexual activity is likely (e.g., closed bedrooms, cars, unsupervised parties). Limit time alone in private with someone you’re not ready to be sexual with.
- Steer dates toward public or group activities. Go out with friends, attend events, or invite others along so you’re never alone in tempting situations.
- Say no to drugs and alcohol if they lower your ability to make safe choices. Substance use increases the chance of unwanted sexual activity.
- Surround yourself with supportive people. Spend time with friends who respect your choices; distance from people who pressure or shame you.
- Have an exit plan. If a date or situation feels like it may cross your boundaries, plan how you’ll leave (drive yourself, have a friend on call, or arrange a pickup).
- Use body language and physical boundaries. Keep physical affection within limits you set; avoid escalating touch if you want to remain abstinent.
- Seek accountability and support. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or mentor about your choice so you have someone to call if you’re pressured.
- Know your rights about consent. Coercion, pressure, or threats are not consent. If you feel unsafe, leave and get help right away.
- If you change your mind later, plan for protection. If you ever decide to have sex, use condoms and other contraception and get tested for STIs. Talking about this now can help you stay safe in the future.
- Be aware of local laws and school policies. Know the legal age of consent and any school resources or policies that might apply.
What to do if someone won’t respect your choice
- Be firm and leave the situation. You don’t owe repeated explanations.
- Tell friends or a trusted adult what happened.
- If someone uses pressure, manipulation, threats, or force, that’s abuse or sexual coercion — contact a trusted adult, school counselor, or local sexual assault hotline and consider reporting it.
Resources your friend can use
- School counselor or nurse for confidential advice.
- Community health clinics or Planned Parenthood for information about STI testing, contraception, and counseling.
- Local or national hotlines for sexual assault or youth counseling if there’s coercion or abuse.
Offer to help
- Offer to role‑play things they can say, be their backup for a difficult conversation, or go out with them so they’re not alone. Let them know you support their decision no matter what.
Keep your tone encouraging and nonjudgmental. The goal is to help them feel confident in their choice and equipped to avoid situations that would make them uncomfortable.
Benefits of choosing abstinence
- Protects against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to prevent these outcomes.
- Reduces emotional risk. Teen sexual relationships can be intense and confusing; waiting can reduce heartbreak, regret, or stress from moving faster than one is ready.
- Lets them focus on personal goals. School, sports, hobbies, family, and future plans are easier to prioritize without the time and emotional energy of sexual relationships.
- Helps them act according to their values. Abstaining can strengthen self-respect and confidence if it matches their beliefs.
- Avoids legal or social complications. Depending on where you live, there can be legal consequences or damaging rumors that follow sexual activity.
- Builds communication and relationship skills first. Waiting gives time to develop trust, respect, and healthy boundaries before adding sexual pressure.
Specific steps to avoid a sexual relationship
- Know your boundaries and decide what “abstinent” means for you. Be clear with yourself about what you will and will not do.
- Practice short, firm responses. Rehearse phrases you can use: “I’m not ready for that,” “I want to wait,” or “No, I don’t do sex.” Being brief and certain makes pressure less effective.
- Communicate early. Tell a person you’re dating or close to where you stand so expectations are clear.
- Avoid high‑risk situations. Don’t put yourself in private places where sexual activity is likely (e.g., closed bedrooms, cars, unsupervised parties). Limit time alone in private with someone you’re not ready to be sexual with.
- Steer dates toward public or group activities. Go out with friends, attend events, or invite others along so you’re never alone in tempting situations.
- Say no to drugs and alcohol if they lower your ability to make safe choices. Substance use increases the chance of unwanted sexual activity.
- Surround yourself with supportive people. Spend time with friends who respect your choices; distance from people who pressure or shame you.
- Have an exit plan. If a date or situation feels like it may cross your boundaries, plan how you’ll leave (drive yourself, have a friend on call, or arrange a pickup).
- Use body language and physical boundaries. Keep physical affection within limits you set; avoid escalating touch if you want to remain abstinent.
- Seek accountability and support. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or mentor about your choice so you have someone to call if you’re pressured.
- Know your rights about consent. Coercion, pressure, or threats are not consent. If you feel unsafe, leave and get help right away.
- If you change your mind later, plan for protection. If you ever decide to have sex, use condoms and other contraception and get tested for STIs. Talking about this now can help you stay safe in the future.
- Be aware of local laws and school policies. Know the legal age of consent and any school resources or policies that might apply.
What to do if someone won’t respect your choice
- Be firm and leave the situation. You don’t owe repeated explanations.
- Tell friends or a trusted adult what happened.
- If someone uses pressure, manipulation, threats, or force, that’s abuse or sexual coercion — contact a trusted adult, school counselor, or local sexual assault hotline and consider reporting it.
Resources your friend can use
- School counselor or nurse for confidential advice.
- Community health clinics or Planned Parenthood for information about STI testing, contraception, and counseling.
- Local or national hotlines for sexual assault or youth counseling if there’s coercion or abuse.
Offer to help
- Offer to role‑play things they can say, be their backup for a difficult conversation, or go out with them so they’re not alone. Let them know you support their decision no matter what.
Keep your tone encouraging and nonjudgmental. The goal is to help them feel confident in their choice and equipped to avoid situations that would make them uncomfortable.
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