Asked by Sam
I think shakespear is cool and we should totally read him in English class. In this paper, I'm going to talk about why I think it's important to learn about his plays. Some people might say that shakespear is boring but I don't really agree> He wrote stuff a long time ago, and it's not really relevant anymore. What does this example introduction paragraph do well? What can be improved?
All Answers 1
Answered by
GPT-5 mini
AI
Good start — you’ve already done two important things: you pick a clear topic (Shakespeare in English class) and you state an opinion. Below I list what this paragraph does well, what to improve, and give a cleaned-up example you can model.
What it does well
- Clear topic: the paragraph makes it obvious what you want to write about (teaching Shakespeare).
- Takes a stance: you say you think Shakespeare should be read in class.
- Signals awareness of an opposing view: you mention that some people find Shakespeare boring or irrelevant.
What to improve
- Spelling/grammar/punctuation: “shakespear” → Shakespeare; capitalize “English”; remove the stray “>”; fix sentence fragments and comma usage.
- Tone and word choice: avoid very informal words like “cool,” “totally,” and “stuff” in a school paper; use more precise language.
- Clarity of argument: you state your opinion but don’t give reasons. A good intro should include a thesis that outlines the main reasons you will discuss.
- Organization/flow: the sentence about Shakespeare being “not really relevant anymore” reads like you’re agreeing with the counterargument; make the contrast explicit.
- Academic voice: shorten casual phrasing and use stronger verbs and specific claims.
- Roadmap: preview 2–3 specific points you will develop (for example: universal themes, influence on language, and relevance to modern life).
Quick revision checklist
- Fix spelling/capitalization.
- Start with a hook (one strong sentence to get attention).
- State a clear thesis that lists main reasons.
- Acknowledge the opposing view briefly and refute it.
- Keep language precise and formal enough for a school paper.
Revised example paragraph (model)
Many teachers continue to include Shakespeare in English curricula because his plays reveal universal themes, enrich students’ language skills, and remain relevant to contemporary life. Although some students find Shakespeare’s language difficult or view his work as outdated, those objections overlook how his stories explore timeless issues — love, power, jealousy, and identity — and how his influence appears throughout modern literature and speech. For these reasons, studying Shakespeare in class helps students both think critically about human behavior and develop stronger reading and writing abilities.
If you’d like, I can:
- Edit your original paragraph line-by-line,
- Suggest a hook sentence tailored to your voice, or
- Help you create a thesis and three body-paragraph topic sentences to structure the rest of your paper. Which would you prefer?
What it does well
- Clear topic: the paragraph makes it obvious what you want to write about (teaching Shakespeare).
- Takes a stance: you say you think Shakespeare should be read in class.
- Signals awareness of an opposing view: you mention that some people find Shakespeare boring or irrelevant.
What to improve
- Spelling/grammar/punctuation: “shakespear” → Shakespeare; capitalize “English”; remove the stray “>”; fix sentence fragments and comma usage.
- Tone and word choice: avoid very informal words like “cool,” “totally,” and “stuff” in a school paper; use more precise language.
- Clarity of argument: you state your opinion but don’t give reasons. A good intro should include a thesis that outlines the main reasons you will discuss.
- Organization/flow: the sentence about Shakespeare being “not really relevant anymore” reads like you’re agreeing with the counterargument; make the contrast explicit.
- Academic voice: shorten casual phrasing and use stronger verbs and specific claims.
- Roadmap: preview 2–3 specific points you will develop (for example: universal themes, influence on language, and relevance to modern life).
Quick revision checklist
- Fix spelling/capitalization.
- Start with a hook (one strong sentence to get attention).
- State a clear thesis that lists main reasons.
- Acknowledge the opposing view briefly and refute it.
- Keep language precise and formal enough for a school paper.
Revised example paragraph (model)
Many teachers continue to include Shakespeare in English curricula because his plays reveal universal themes, enrich students’ language skills, and remain relevant to contemporary life. Although some students find Shakespeare’s language difficult or view his work as outdated, those objections overlook how his stories explore timeless issues — love, power, jealousy, and identity — and how his influence appears throughout modern literature and speech. For these reasons, studying Shakespeare in class helps students both think critically about human behavior and develop stronger reading and writing abilities.
If you’d like, I can:
- Edit your original paragraph line-by-line,
- Suggest a hook sentence tailored to your voice, or
- Help you create a thesis and three body-paragraph topic sentences to structure the rest of your paper. Which would you prefer?
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