Question

Can you proofread this paragraph for me for me?

The spoils system was a system that helped the supporters of elected presidents get a government job. This made government corruption worse since people with no experience were put in important jobs. This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of this system and give jobs to more experienced people. This angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs. Charles Guiteau oofed (will change but im keeping it HERE so that the system doesnt detect innapropiete content, so just ignore this sentence is parathensees) Garfield because he thought he was promised a job but was denied instead. Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and had managed the spoils system. This made people expect for the spoils system to stay, but Arthur had different ideas. He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit.

list all errors and how to fix them while keeping my wording please.

Answer 1

Below I list the errors (spelling, grammar, punctuation, word choice, clarity) in order of appearance, with a short explanation and a minimal fix that keeps your original wording as much as possible. After the list I give a corrected version of the paragraph that implements those fixes.

Errors and fixes

1. "The spoils system was a system that helped the supporters of elected presidents get a government job."
- Error: Redundant phrase "was a system".
- Fix: Remove redundancy: "The spoils system helped the supporters of elected presidents get government jobs." (also change "a government job" → "government jobs" for agreement with "supporters")

2. "get a government job."
- Error: Number agreement/awkward: singular "a government job" with plural "supporters".
- Fix: Use plural: "get government jobs."

3. "This made government corruption worse since people with no experience were put in important jobs."
- Error: Missing comma before "since" for clarity.
- Fix: Add comma: "This made government corruption worse, since people with no experience were put in important jobs."

4. "This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of this system and give jobs to more experienced people."
- Error: Repetition/ambiguity with "This" and "this system."
- Fix: Replace the second "this" with "the spoils system" to be clear: "...because he wanted to limit the power of the spoils system and give jobs to more experienced people."

5. "This angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs."
- Error: Repetition of "This" and "people"; unclear antecedent.
- Fix: Make antecedent clear and reduce repetition: "His stance angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs." (or: "This angered many supporters and caused more people to seek jobs." if you prefer)

6. "Charles Guiteau oofed (will change but im keeping it HERE so that the system doesnt detect innapropiete content, so just ignore this sentence is parathensees) Garfield because he thought he was promised a job but was denied instead."
- Multiple errors:
- "oofed" is informal/slang and unclear.
- "im" → "I'm" (capitalization and apostrophe).
- "HERE" all caps is unnecessary.
- "doesnt" → "doesn't".
- "innapropiete" → "inappropriate".
- "parathensees" → "parentheses".
- The parenthetical is awkwardly phrased and interrupts the sentence.
- "because he thought he was promised a job but was denied instead." is wordy; "thought he was promised" + "but was denied instead" is redundant.
- Fixes:
- Prefer clearer verb: "assassinated" (if you want to keep casual tone you can keep "oofed," but it's informal).
- Correct punctuation and spelling in the parenthetical and reinsert if you insist: "(will change but I'm keeping it here so that the system doesn't detect inappropriate content, so just ignore this sentence in parentheses)"
- Streamline last clause: "because he thought he had been promised a job but was denied." or keep your wording but fix tense: "because he thought he was promised a job but was denied."

7. "Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and had managed the spoils system."
- Error: Slight tense/wording awkwardness: "had managed" (past perfect) is odd without a clear earlier time reference.
- Fix: Use simple past: "and managed the spoils system."

8. "This made people expect for the spoils system to stay, but Arthur had different ideas."
- Error: Wrong preposition "expect for"; awkward phrasing "to stay".
- Fix: Remove "for": "expect the spoils system to stay," or better: "expect the spoils system to remain," (I keep "stay" per your request.)

9. "He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit."
- Error: Missing comma before nonrestrictive clause "which"; slightly awkward phrasing "hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit."
- Fix: Add comma and optionally clarify: "He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act, which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit." (Alternatively: "...which made hiring for government jobs based on tests and merit.")

10. Overall: several sentence-starting "This" occurrences create repetition and occasional ambiguity.
- Fix: Replace some "This" with more specific references where noted above (e.g., "His stance", "The spoils system", etc.).

Corrected paragraph (keeping your wording as much as possible, applying the minimal fixes above):

The spoils system helped the supporters of elected presidents get government jobs. This made government corruption worse, since people with no experience were put in important jobs. This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of the spoils system and give jobs to more experienced people. His stance angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs. Charles Guiteau assassinated (will change but I'm keeping it here so that the system doesn't detect inappropriate content, so just ignore this sentence in parentheses) Garfield because he thought he was promised a job but was denied. Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and managed the spoils system. This made people expect the spoils system to stay, but Arthur had different ideas. He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act, which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit.

Notes / optional style suggestions (you didn't ask for rewrites, but these are optional improvements):
- Consider replacing "oofed" with "assassinated" (I used "assassinated" in the corrected paragraph).
- You could replace several "This" sentence starters with more specific subjects for clarity.
- Consider making one or two sentences shorter or combining related ideas to improve flow.

If you want, I can produce a version that removes your parenthetical comment, or rewrite the whole paragraph in a more formal style while preserving your main points.