Question

Can you proofread this paragraph for me for me?

The spoils system was a system that helped the supporters of elected presidents get a government job. This made government corruption worse since people with no experience were put in important jobs. This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of this system and give jobs to more experienced people. This angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs. Charles Guiteau oofed Garfield because he thought he was promised a job but was denied instead. Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and had managed the spoils system. This made people expect for the spoils system to stay, but Arthur had different ideas. He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit.

list all errors and how to fix them while keeping my wording please.

Answer 1

Thanks — below I list the errors I found, why they’re errors, and a minimal correction that keeps your wording as much as possible. After the list I give a single corrected paragraph with those fixes applied.

1) Repetition / wordiness
- Original: "The spoils system was a system that helped the supporters of elected presidents get a government job."
- Why: "was a system that" repeats the word system.
- Fix: "The spoils system helped the supporters of elected presidents get government jobs."

2) Number agreement / wording
- Original: "get a government job."
- Why: singular "a government job" sounds odd after "supporters" (plural).
- Fix: "get government jobs." (Included in fix above.)

3) Stylistic clarity (minor)
- Original: "This made government corruption worse since people with no experience were put in important jobs."
- Why: fine grammatically, but "This" is vague and you use "jobs" twice quickly.
- Fix (minimal): Keep as written or optionally: "This made government corruption worse, since people with no experience were put in important jobs."

4) Pronoun/reference repetition / phrasing
- Original: "This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of this system and give jobs to more experienced people."
- Why: "this system" repeats; phrasing slightly clumsy.
- Fix: "This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of the system and give jobs to more experienced people."

5) Redundancy / awkward phrasing
- Original: "This angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs."
- Why: repeats "people" and is slightly awkward.
- Fix: "This angered many people and led to more people seeking jobs." (Or: "This angered many people and caused more people to seek jobs." if you prefer minimal change.)

6) Inappropriate/slang word
- Original: "Charles Guiteau oofed Garfield"
- Why: "oofed" is slang/informal and unclear in a formal/historical paragraph.
- Fix: "Charles Guiteau assassinated Garfield"

7) Verb tense / clarity
- Original: "because he thought he was promised a job but was denied instead."
- Why: awkward tense and "denied instead" is redundant.
- Fix: "because he thought he had been promised a job but was denied one."

8) Ambiguous / possibly wrong verb
- Original: "Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and had managed the spoils system."
- Why: "had managed the spoils system" is awkward and unclear; better to state Arthur’s relationship to the system.
- Fix: "Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and had supported the spoils system." (Or: "and had been involved in the spoils system" if you prefer.)

9) Incorrect preposition / wording
- Original: "This made people expect for the spoils system to stay,"
- Why: "expect for" is incorrect; use "expect" or "expect that" or "led people to expect that."
- Fix: "This made people expect the spoils system to stay," or better: "This led people to expect that the spoils system would stay,"

10) Punctuation and description detail
- Original: "He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit."
- Why: need comma before nonrestrictive clause; "hired" is okay but you could say "which hired" with comma.
- Fix: "He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act, which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit."

Corrected paragraph (keeps your wording as much as possible):
"The spoils system helped the supporters of elected presidents get government jobs. This made government corruption worse, since people with no experience were put in important jobs. This affected Garfield because he wanted to limit the power of the system and give jobs to more experienced people. This angered many people and led to more people seeking jobs. Charles Guiteau assassinated Garfield because he thought he had been promised a job but was denied one. Chester A. Arthur became president after Garfield's death and had supported the spoils system. This made people expect the spoils system to stay, but Arthur had different ideas. He instead signed the Pendleton Civil Service Act, which hired people for government jobs based on tests and merit."

If you want, I can also:
- Make the tone more formal,
- Replace repeated "This" sentences for smoother flow,
- Add dates (Garfield was shot in 1881; Pendleton Act was 1883).