Question

Your friend is preparing a speech for class tomorrow. She asks you to watch her speech and give her feedback. During her speech she stares at her paper and rarely looks up. You can barely hear or understand what she is saying. She rocks back and forth from one leg to the other. Her speech lasts 28 minutes and is filled with long quotes from scientists. When she finishes you really don’t remember what she spoke about.

Prepare a critique of your friend’s speech. Remember the guidelines for effective critiques!

Answer 1

Thanks for letting me watch — you clearly put a lot of work into researching the topic. I want to be honest but helpful, so here’s a balanced, specific critique with concrete steps you can use to tighten the speech before class tomorrow.

What went well
- Thorough research: The scientific quotes and references show you researched the topic and wanted to support your points with authority.
- Commitment: You stuck with the full presentation and clearly wanted to include the evidence you found.

What needs work (and how to fix it)

1) Overall clarity and structure
- What I noticed: I couldn’t remember your main point after you finished. The speech felt like a string of long quotes without clear signposts or takeaways.
- How to fix: State a clear thesis in the intro (one sentence). Organize the body into 2–4 distinct points and announce each one (“First… Second… Finally…”). For each point: state it, give one short piece of evidence or an example, then explain why it matters. End with a concise conclusion that restates the thesis and gives one memorable takeaway.

2) Overuse of long quotations
- What I noticed: Long quotes from scientists dominated the speech and made it feel like reading rather than speaking.
- How to fix: Trim quotes to short, powerful lines (one sentence max) or paraphrase them in your own words. Use only 1–2 direct quotes that are most compelling; attribute briefly and move on. After a quote, always explain it in plain language and connect it back to your point.

3) Delivery: eye contact and reading from paper
- What I noticed: You stared at your paper most of the time and rarely looked up, which made it hard to connect and left the audience unsure you were confident in the material.
- How to fix: Move to bullet-point note cards or mark a printed copy with big cues. Practice enough that you can look up for at least 70–80% of the time. Use short glances to notes, and when you look up, sweep your gaze across the room (triangle method: left, center, right). Practice with a friend or record yourself.

4) Vocal projection and clarity
- What I noticed: I could barely hear or understand parts of the speech.
- How to fix: Project from your diaphragm (take a deep breath and speak on the exhale), slow your pace slightly, speak clearly, and enunciate key words. Practice reading your speech out loud and record it to check volume and clarity. Try tongue twisters and breath-control exercises beforehand. If there’s a mic available, test it early.

5) Nervous movement
- What I noticed: You rocked back and forth between legs, which distracted from the content.
- How to fix: Ground yourself by standing with feet shoulder-width apart and weight evenly distributed. If you need to move, make deliberate small steps at transitions (e.g., move to the left when starting point two). Use purposeful hand gestures that match what you’re saying. Practice standing still for full sentences to build control.

6) Length and pacing
- What I noticed: The talk was 28 minutes and felt long; many parts didn’t stick.
- How to fix: Confirm the required time for the assignment. If you need to be shorter, cut extraneous quotes and limit to the strongest 2–3 points. Time each section in rehearsal and aim for a clear opening (30–60s), 2–3 main points (3–5 minutes each depending on target length), and a 30–60s conclusion.

Quick rehearsal plan for tonight
1. Reduce the script to a one-sentence thesis and 3 bullet-point main ideas.
2. Convert the full text to 3–5 index cards with short cues and any exact quote you must use (one-liners only).
3. Run the speech out loud 4–6 times: first focusing on content, then on eye contact and vocal projection.
4. Record one full run and watch it to check posture, gestures, and clarity.
5. Time it and cut anything that doesn’t support your thesis.

If you want, I can help you:
- edit the speech down to a target time,
- rewrite long quotes into brief paraphrases,
- mark a clean, practice-friendly version for index cards,
- or run through a rehearsal with you (I can give live notes).

You did a lot of good research — with clearer structure, stronger delivery, and a bit of practice your message will be much more memorable.