Question

Read another introduction from a student’s draft text. Select ONE sentence in which the word choice should be improved.


Football is a contact sport in which players battle each other on a field and sometimes suffer injuries.Should professional football still be a professional sport or should athletes avoid this dangerous activity? I don’t think anyone likes playing football when they are hurt. In my opinion, the risks outweigh the benefits, and professional football is too much of a risk to the players.

Answer 1

Sentence to improve: "In my opinion, the risks outweigh the benefits, and professional football is too much of a risk to the players."

Why: "too much of a risk" is awkward and repetitive (risk…risk).

Suggested revisions:
- "In my opinion, the risks outweigh the benefits, and professional football poses too great a risk to players."
- "In my opinion, the risks outweigh the benefits, and professional football places players at undue risk."