Question

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Read this passage from a short story, looking for words, phrases and sentences that create suspense.

This time it was Laila who did the staring. The woman was in her mid-sixties. Her brown dress
looked neat and clean, though a couple of years out of style. She had chin-length graying hair,
which curled around her pale, lightly made-up face.

Laila's frown faded. The woman looked about as alarming as Laila's aging grandmother in
Michigan. I must be losing it, Laila thought. I'm imagining I'm being stalked by a woman nearly
three times my age, whose main concern is probably finding cereal with fiber.

The woman in the brown dress added a cereal box to her nearly full shopping cart and
continued on her way. Laila followed in her direction, pausing to choose a box of cereal for
herself. Rounding the corner, she noticed that the woman had stopped to examine some
canned foods on the shelves. As Laila walked past her, the woman gave her a long look, then
immediately returned her gaze to the canned food.

Creepy eyes, Laila thought. Brown, almost black, deep-set eyes. She pushed her cart a little
faster, wanting to increase the distance between them. The woman was no doubt harmless, but
something about her made Laila uneasy nonetheless. Trust your instincts, her father always
advised her. It's a bizarre world, so you need to trust your instincts.


Which excerpt from this story is most effective at creating suspense?

Trust your instincts, her father always advised her. It's a bizarre world, so you need to trust your instincts.

I'm imagining I'm being stalked by a woman nearly three times my age, whose main concern is probably finding cereal with fiber.

The woman was in her mid-sixties. Her brown dress looked neat and clean, though a couple of years out of style.

Rounding the corner, she noticed that the woman had stopped to examine some canned foods on the shelves.

Answer 1

Rounding the corner, she noticed that the woman had stopped to examine some canned foods on the shelves.

This line is the most suspenseful because it’s immediate and action-based: Laila is moving, she sees the woman pause, and the reader is left wondering why the woman stopped and whether she’s being watched. The scene creates uncertainty and proximity (the woman is close enough to be noticed), which heightens tension. The other options are either reflective/foreshadowing (father’s advice), mildly humorous and deflating (imagining being stalked by an older woman), or purely descriptive (the woman’s appearance), so they don’t produce the same present, unsettling suspense.