Question

Do you ever feel like everywhere you look you are bombarded by advertising? There are video advertisements during TV shows, in cell phone apps, and on the Internet. There are paper ads in newspapers and magazines, on billboards, and even on public transportation. Last week, I was riding home on the school bus and was startled to notice that there were ads on the ceiling of my school bus.

Mustafa should revise the introduction because he should

state a claim.
hook the reader.
add some reasons.
remove his viewpoint.

Answer 1

state a claim.

The paragraph has a strong hook and examples/anecdote but no clear thesis. Mustafa needs a claim that states his position (e.g., "Advertising has become unavoidably pervasive and intrusive") to guide the rest of the essay and preview his reasons.