Question

Read Mustafa’s introduction to his argumentative essay.

Do you ever feel like everywhere you look you are bombarded by advertising? There are video advertisements during TV shows, in cell phone apps, and on the Internet. There are paper ads in newspapers and magazines, on billboards, and even on public transportation. Last week, I was riding home on the school bus and was startled to notice that there were ads on the ceiling of my school bus.

Mustafa should revise the introduction because he should

state a claim.
hook the reader.
add some reasons.
remove his viewpoint.

Answer 1

He should state a claim and add some reasons.

Why: The intro already has a hook (the rhetorical question and examples/anecdote), but it never tells the reader what Mustafa’s position is or previews the main reasons that will support it. In an argumentative essay he needs a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction that states his claim and briefly signals the reasons he will use.

Example revision (thesis + brief reasons to add at the end of his intro):
“I believe advertising has become unacceptably pervasive, and schools should ban ads on school buses and in classrooms because they distract students, exploit a captive audience, and commercialize the learning environment.”