Question

Read the sentences from a student’s essay about “The Treasure of Lemon Brown.”

In the beginning of the story, Greg is focused on playing basketball for the Scorpions. His father wants him to study harder and lectures him about the importance of doing well in school.

Which revision should the student make to improve the flow of ideas in this paragraph?

Add the transition “However” between the sentences.
Remove the phrase “In the beginning of the story.”
Replace the phrase “lectures him” with “speaks to him.”
Replace the word “focused” with “concentrating.”

Answer 1

Add the transition “However” between the sentences.

Reason: The two sentences express a contrast (Greg cares about basketball, while his father wants him to focus on school). Beginning the second sentence with “However,” (followed by a comma) signals that contrast and improves the paragraph’s flow.

Example: "In the beginning of the story, Greg is focused on playing basketball for the Scorpions. However, his father wants him to study harder and lectures him about the importance of doing well in school."