Asked by Lillie
What do I do if I like my female best friend, but she has a boyfriend, and she thinks I'm straight even though we've made out, I'm a girl by the way
Answers
There are no human answers yet.
Answered by
GPT-5 mini
You’re in a messy, emotionally tricky spot — totally understandable. Here’s a clear, practical way to think through it and act in a way that protects you, respects her relationship, and keeps the friendship as healthy as possible.
Quick checklist to decide what to do
- Clarify your own feelings. Is this romantic love, a crush, sexual curiosity, or strong emotional dependence? That affects what you say and how urgent it is to act.
- Consider her relationship. Is it new/unstable or long-term/serious? Is she happy in it? If it’s healthy, pursuing her would be unfair.
- Think about safety and consequences. Are you out publicly? Could telling her risk your friendship, social fallout, or emotional harm?
- Decide your goal. Do you want a relationship with her, or do you need emotional honesty for your own closure? Or do you just need to create distance to move on?
Options and when to use them
1. If you want to preserve the friendship and she seems happy in her relationship:
- Don’t try to sabotage her relationship or pressure her. That’s likely to damage the friendship and hurt everyone.
- You can choose to keep your feelings private and create boundaries (less one-on-one time, limit flirting) so your feelings are manageable.
- Seek support elsewhere (friends, queer groups, therapy).
2. If you need honesty for your own wellbeing (and you can handle possible consequences):
- Tell her calmly and respectfully. Make it clear you’re not trying to break her up and you won’t pressure her, but you need her to know how you feel.
- Keep it short, non-accusatory, and focus on you: “I need to tell you something so I can be honest. I have developed romantic/sexual feelings for you. I value our friendship and I won’t pressure you or interfere with your relationship, but I needed you to know.”
3. If you suspect the make-out meant something to her, or she might be confused about her own feelings/orientation:
- Consider a conversation that addresses both the make-out and your orientation: “About that night we kissed — I think it meant something to me. Also, I’m not straight; I’m attracted to women. I don’t want to upset things, but I want to be honest.”
4. If you don’t feel safe or you can’t handle potential fallout:
- Don’t disclose. Prioritize your safety. Work on coping strategies and distance if needed.
Practical script examples
- Short, gentle confession: “I really value you and our friendship. I should be honest: I have romantic feelings for you. I’m not telling you to do anything — I just wanted you to know. I care about you and I don’t want to lose our friendship.”
- If you want to come out without confessing a crush: “I haven’t talked about this before, but I’m attracted to women. I wanted you to know because I don’t want any confusion between us.”
- If you want to set boundaries after telling: “I need a little space for a few weeks to sort out my feelings so I can be a better friend. I hope we can reconnect after that.”
Boundaries and self-care if you decide not to tell
- Limit one-on-one time and intimate activities that trigger feelings (late-night chats, kissing/necking, heavy flirting).
- Distract and expand your social circle; date other people when you’re ready.
- Therapy or queer support groups can help process unrequited feelings.
Other things to consider
- Make sure any conversation you have is private, not public, and timed when you both can speak calmly.
- Be prepared for all responses: she may be flattered, confused, uncomfortable, or she may pull away. Prepare for those outcomes emotionally.
- Respect her autonomy and relationship. If she’s committed to her boyfriend, accept that and don’t try to change it.
If you want, I can:
- Help you write a specific message or practice what to say.
- Walk through possible responses she might give and scripts for each.
- Suggest resources for queer support or coping strategies.
Do you want help drafting what you might say to her? If so, tell me whether you want to come out, confess your crush, or both, and whether you prefer an in-person talk or a message.
Quick checklist to decide what to do
- Clarify your own feelings. Is this romantic love, a crush, sexual curiosity, or strong emotional dependence? That affects what you say and how urgent it is to act.
- Consider her relationship. Is it new/unstable or long-term/serious? Is she happy in it? If it’s healthy, pursuing her would be unfair.
- Think about safety and consequences. Are you out publicly? Could telling her risk your friendship, social fallout, or emotional harm?
- Decide your goal. Do you want a relationship with her, or do you need emotional honesty for your own closure? Or do you just need to create distance to move on?
Options and when to use them
1. If you want to preserve the friendship and she seems happy in her relationship:
- Don’t try to sabotage her relationship or pressure her. That’s likely to damage the friendship and hurt everyone.
- You can choose to keep your feelings private and create boundaries (less one-on-one time, limit flirting) so your feelings are manageable.
- Seek support elsewhere (friends, queer groups, therapy).
2. If you need honesty for your own wellbeing (and you can handle possible consequences):
- Tell her calmly and respectfully. Make it clear you’re not trying to break her up and you won’t pressure her, but you need her to know how you feel.
- Keep it short, non-accusatory, and focus on you: “I need to tell you something so I can be honest. I have developed romantic/sexual feelings for you. I value our friendship and I won’t pressure you or interfere with your relationship, but I needed you to know.”
3. If you suspect the make-out meant something to her, or she might be confused about her own feelings/orientation:
- Consider a conversation that addresses both the make-out and your orientation: “About that night we kissed — I think it meant something to me. Also, I’m not straight; I’m attracted to women. I don’t want to upset things, but I want to be honest.”
4. If you don’t feel safe or you can’t handle potential fallout:
- Don’t disclose. Prioritize your safety. Work on coping strategies and distance if needed.
Practical script examples
- Short, gentle confession: “I really value you and our friendship. I should be honest: I have romantic feelings for you. I’m not telling you to do anything — I just wanted you to know. I care about you and I don’t want to lose our friendship.”
- If you want to come out without confessing a crush: “I haven’t talked about this before, but I’m attracted to women. I wanted you to know because I don’t want any confusion between us.”
- If you want to set boundaries after telling: “I need a little space for a few weeks to sort out my feelings so I can be a better friend. I hope we can reconnect after that.”
Boundaries and self-care if you decide not to tell
- Limit one-on-one time and intimate activities that trigger feelings (late-night chats, kissing/necking, heavy flirting).
- Distract and expand your social circle; date other people when you’re ready.
- Therapy or queer support groups can help process unrequited feelings.
Other things to consider
- Make sure any conversation you have is private, not public, and timed when you both can speak calmly.
- Be prepared for all responses: she may be flattered, confused, uncomfortable, or she may pull away. Prepare for those outcomes emotionally.
- Respect her autonomy and relationship. If she’s committed to her boyfriend, accept that and don’t try to change it.
If you want, I can:
- Help you write a specific message or practice what to say.
- Walk through possible responses she might give and scripts for each.
- Suggest resources for queer support or coping strategies.
Do you want help drafting what you might say to her? If so, tell me whether you want to come out, confess your crush, or both, and whether you prefer an in-person talk or a message.
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