Question

Read the body paragraph from Antonin's rhetorical analysis essay on Shirley Chisholm's presidential announcement speech.

At the beginning of her speech, Chisholm uses parallel syntax to emphasize her claim that she is the ideal candidate. She presents herself as a new kind of candidate who can bring an era of positivity to the US. She says that Nixon failed to bring "the courage, the spirit, the character, and the words to lift us, to bring out the best in us, to rekindle in each of us our faith in the American dream." Chisholm's stylized phrasing underscores the incredible opportunity that Nixon missed and that she can set right.

Which revision would most improve the body paragraph?

providing clear connections between the thesis and Chisholm’s syntax structure
adding more transitions to describe how the ideas in the paragraph are related
using a clear topic sentence to connect the thesis of the essay to its purpose
including several more quotations that highlight the positivity in the speech

Answer 1

providing clear connections between the thesis and Chisholm’s syntax structure

Explain briefly why: the paragraph describes the syntax and its effect but doesn’t tie that analysis back to the essay’s thesis — explicitly connecting the parallelism to the larger claim will strengthen coherence and argument.