Question

How should Kari revise her paragraph to make it more readable?

eliminate the second sentence comparing Krasner to Kahlo
reconsider whether she wants to refer to the cited sources
evaluate the effectiveness of including two different quotes
delete the definitions of the words attributes and reiterated

Answer 1

All four of your suggested edits could improve readability — but which you actually do depends on the paragraph’s purpose. Practical guidance:

1. Eliminate or tighten the Krasner–Kahlo sentence
- If the comparison is a useful analytical point that supports your main idea, keep it but compress it to one clear sentence and explicitly tie it to your topic sentence.
- If it’s an aside or distracts from the paragraph’s main claim, remove it.

2. Reconsider how you refer to cited sources
- Don’t name sources in a way that interrupts flow. Use a brief signal phrase only when the author’s identity matters (e.g., “As Smith argues,...”); otherwise, use a parenthetical or footnote citation.
- Move lengthy source discussion to a separate sentence or paragraph if it derails your analysis.

3. Evaluate the two quotes
- Two quotes often feel redundant. Keep the one that most directly supports your point; paraphrase the other (or omit it) and analyze the evidence rather than letting quotes stand on their own.
- If the two quotes make distinct points you need, introduce each briefly and explain its role so the reader can follow.

4. Delete the definitions of “attributes” and “reiterated”
- Common-word definitions read like a dictionary and break flow. Remove them unless you’re using a specialized or contested sense of the term. If a specific meaning matters, define it briefly in your own words and show why it matters to your argument.

Suggested revision plan (quick workflow)
- Identify the single main idea of the paragraph and write a clear topic sentence.
- Choose one strong piece of evidence (one quote or one paraphrase) that best supports it.
- Integrate the citation smoothly (signal phrase or parenthetical).
- Add 1–2 sentences of focused analysis linking evidence back to the topic sentence.
- Remove tangential comparisons and dictionary-like definitions, or move them elsewhere if needed.

If you want, paste the paragraph and I’ll show a concrete revision.