Question

Kari is reviewing her paragraph on the artist Lee Krasner. Read her paragraph.

The Abstract Expressionist artist Lee Krasner spent most of her artistic career being known as the wife of another famous Abstract Expressionist, Jackson Pollack. Like the painter Frida Kahlo, Krasner lived in the shadow of her famous husband. A 1948 review of an art exhibit featuring both her work and Pollack’s work illuminates this association. "Lee Krasner seems to be plagiarizing from her husband’s style, though her geometric shapes show a little more dramatic flair” (Winston). This sentiment attributes, or credits, the main artistic execution of the painting to Pollack and suggests that Krasner’s artwork is a revision of his design. This notion is reiterated, or repeated, in a review of Krasner’s work in another gallery 10 years later. Krasner is described as painting "like Pollack, though in a fashion that is more formulaic than genius” (Allan). These reviews highlight the challenge that Krasner faced when trying to be viewed as an artist in her own right.

How should Kari revise her paragraph to make it more readable?

eliminate the second sentence comparing Krasner to Kahlo
reconsider whether she wants to refer to the cited sources
evaluate the effectiveness of including two different quotes
delete the definitions of the words attributes and reiterated

Answer 1

Yes — do those revisions. Specific suggestions:

1. Eliminate the Frida Kahlo comparison.
- Why: It interrupts the paragraph’s focus and isn’t developed; it reads like an aside rather than useful evidence. If you want a comparative point, develop it in a separate sentence with explanation; otherwise cut it.

2. Reconsider how you refer to the cited sources.
- Keep the sources, but integrate them smoothly with signal phrases instead of dropping parentheticals and definitions into the middle of your prose. For example: “A 1948 review in Winston claimed…” Then analyze the quote briefly. Also correct the spelling of Jackson Pollock.

3. Evaluate the two quotes and most likely keep only one or use them to show a pattern.
- If the two quotes say much the same thing, choose the stronger or more illustrative one and paraphrase the other (or summarize that critics continued to dismiss her). If you keep both, introduce them to show the pattern across time rather than letting them sit as redundant examples.

4. Delete the in-text definitions (“attributes, or credits” and “reiterated, or repeated”).
- Why: Those definitions are unnecessary and interrupt flow. Use the words normally and, when needed, explain significance, not dictionary meanings.

Suggested tightened paragraph (with Pollock spelled correctly):

"Lee Krasner, an Abstract Expressionist, spent much of her career overshadowed by her husband, Jackson Pollock. A 1948 review of a joint exhibition argued that 'Lee Krasner seems to be plagiarizing from her husband’s style,' adding that her geometric shapes showed 'a little more dramatic flair' (Winston). Ten years later another critic dismissed her work as 'like Pollock…more formulaic than genius' (Allan). These reviews illustrate the persistent tendency to view Krasner as derivative rather than as an artist in her own right."

If you want to strengthen the paragraph further, add one sentence of analysis about why critics framed her work this way (e.g., gender bias, Pollock’s fame, art-historical context).