Question

Read the excerpt from Angela’s rhetorical analysis essay of Shirley Chisholm’s presidential announcement speech.

In her speech, Chisholm states, "The President has broken his promises to us and has therefore lost his claim to our trust and confidence in him.” I think that, when Chisholm observes that the president made promises to all of them, including to her, she creates an intimacy and connection between herself and her listeners. She makes the audience feel like she is one of them and they are on the same team.

Angela wants to strengthen her analysis of Chisholm’s use of personal observation to connect to her listeners. Which revision best achieves this purpose?

replacing the words “including to her” with “including to Chisholm”
changing “she makes the audience feel” to “Chisholm makes them feel”
deleting “I think” so that the sentence is appropriate for rhetorical analysis
adding “The abiding concern of this administration has been one of political expediency . . .” to the quotation

Answer 1

Deleting “I think.” Removing that hedge makes the claim direct and appropriately assertive for rhetorical analysis, strengthening Angela’s interpretation. (The other options are either minor wording tweaks or add irrelevant material.)