Question

Read the body paragraph from Raoul’s research-based informative essay on the value of team sports.

Playing a team sport teaches perseverance. Players must continue to try their hardest, even when their team is losing the game. While players may think losing means failure, losing should be viewed as a good outcome. After losing a game, players can consider one another’s strengths and how to better use them. Players may also be motivated to work even harder to meet their goals.

How should Raoul revise this body paragraph to make it more effective?

He should remove the first sentence, as this information is repeated in the paragraph.
He should add relevant evidence to support his claim that sports teach perseverance.
He should add a personal story that illustrates his experiences of playing team sports.

Answer 1

He should add relevant evidence to support his claim that sports teach perseverance.

Rationale: This is a research-based informative essay, so the paragraph needs credible support (studies, expert testimony, statistics, or documented examples) rather than a personal anecdote. The first sentence works as a clear topic sentence and shouldn’t be removed.

How to revise:
- Keep the topic sentence, but soften the absolute phrasing (“Losing can be a learning opportunity”).
- Insert one or two pieces of evidence (e.g., a study linking youth sports to resilience or a coach’s quote about learning from losses).
- Show briefly how the evidence supports the claim (connect the findings to the ideas about evaluating strengths and working harder).

Example sentence to add: “For instance, a longitudinal study of youth athletes found that regular participation in team sports was associated with greater persistence in the face of setbacks, as players learned to analyze performance and set improvement goals.”