Question

Read Fatima’s paragraph.

Having moved up north just last year, I experienced my first snowstorm this past winter. At first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting. Then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that I felt cocooned from the outside world. When the snow stopped, ice coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth.

Which sentence will Fatima’s teacher most likely ask her to revise?

Having moved up north just last year, I experienced my first snowstorm this past winter.
At first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting.
Then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that I felt cocooned from the outside world.
When the snow stopped, ice coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth.

Answer 1

Sentence 4.

It’s awkward/incorrect because two independent clauses run together. Revise with proper punctuation or split into two sentences, e.g.:
"When the snow stopped, ice coated the trees, and the branches clacked like chattering teeth." or
"When the snow stopped, ice coated the trees. The branches clacked like chattering teeth."