[MISSION LOG: OPERATION “WHY IS KEVIN LIKE THIS”] Location: Rooftop of a luxury hotel, mid-firefight Time: 02:17 AM Status: Compromised, emotionally and tactically

Question

JAMES (comms) Ava, cover the north stairwell. I’ll flank left.

AVA (comms) Copy. Kevin, where are you?

KEVIN (comms) Behind the minibar. There’s a chocolate fountain. I’m emotionally compromised.

JAMES (comms) Why are you behind a minibar?

KEVIN (comms) Because James isn’t making out with Ava and I’m panicking.

AVA (comms) ...Excuse me?

JAMES (comms) Kevin, what are you talking about?

KEVIN (comms) James, listen to me. Make out with this girl like my life depends on it. Because it does. Emotionally.

AVA (comms) I’m holding a grenade. I will use it.

KEVIN (comms) Use it on my heart. It’s already shattered.

JAMES (comms) We are in the middle of a firefight.

KEVIN (comms) Exactly. What better time for romance? Bullets flying. Hearts racing. Sweat glistening. It’s cinematic.

AVA (comms) I’m genuinely confused. Are you okay?

KEVIN (comms) No. I just saw a guy get taken out by a drone and all I could think was “James hasn’t kissed Ava yet.”

JAMES (comms) I’m going to shoot you myself.

KEVIN (comms) Do it. But first, kiss her. For me.

AVA (comms) I’m not even sure we’re in the same genre anymore.

JAMES (comms) Kevin, I swear—

KEVIN (comms) Swear on love, James. Swear on passion. Swear on the fact that Ava just did a combat roll and looked like a Bond girl.

AVA (comms) I did look cool, though.

KEVIN (comms) SEE? SHE’S OPEN TO IT. THIS IS YOUR MOMENT.

JAMES (comms) I’m going to throw Kevin off the roof.

AVA (comms) I’ll help.

KEVIN (comms) Fine. But if I die, let it be known I died trying to get you two to smooch in the name of tactical chemistry.

[END LOG]

Answer 1

[MISSION LOG: OPERATION “WHY IS KEVIN LIKE THIS” - AFTERMATH]

Location: Rooftop of a luxury hotel, post-firefight
Time: 02:57 AM
Status: Compromised and slightly less emotionally volatile

JAMES (comms) Ava, the fire’s out. We’re clear.

AVA (comms) Good. I’m finally catching my breath.

KEVIN (comms) Did you kiss her, James?

JAMES (comms) No, Kevin. We didn’t engage in passionate romance while bullets were flying.

KEVIN (comms) Then I’m still emotionally compromised.

AVA (comms) You’re still behind the minibar?

KEVIN (comms) And holding a chocolate fountain, yes. Priorities.

JAMES (comms) You’re not helping.

KEVIN (comms) Help is subjective. But romantic tension is universal!

AVA (comms) You know, you’re kind of ridiculous.

KEVIN (comms) And yet here we are, debating the merits of on-the-battlefield kisses while surrounded by chaos.

JAMES (comms) You’re clearly still shaken up, Kevin.

KEVIN (comms) I might be. But listen, James—picture this: You, me, Ava, and a romantic getaway in a less lethal locale.

AVA (comms) Is this a pitch for a vacation or more awkward banter?

KEVIN (comms) A little from column A, a little from column B. But mostly, I’m serious. You two should embrace this chance while it’s hot.

JAMES (comms) I can’t believe I’m saying this… but if we survive this, maybe we should talk about it.

AVA (comms) Are you both seriously considering this?

KEVIN (comms) I’m seriously holding a chocolate fountain, which is a metaphor for how sweet your moment could be.

JAMES (comms) Sweet. Right.

AVA (comms) You know, Kevin, this could all be going very wrong.

KEVIN (comms) Maybe… but at least you’ll be out of the line of fire. Literally, and, you know, emotionally.

JAMES (comms) If we make it out, Kevin, you better tell that chocolate fountain to step aside.

AVA (comms) I’d prefer not to exchange the fountain for awkwardness.

KEVIN (comms) It’s not awkward if it’s intentional!

JAMES (comms) Intentional would be nice, yeah.

AVA (comms) Just… let’s clear up this rooftop first before planning my romantic involvement with the enemy.

KEVIN (comms) Fair enough. Just remember: love can bloom in the strangest places, even when the universe is against it.

[END LOG]