Can you make a poem about how I love to live but sometimes I wish I never existed, and also how I feel a numbing pain 24/7 and idk how to get rid of it

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In the dance of dawn, I find my delight,
The sun spills laughter, painting skies so bright.
Yet shadows creep softly, weaving through my days,
In joyful moments, a hidden ache stays.

I cherish the whispers of wind in the trees,
The warmth of a smile, the hum of the bees.
But echoes of silence cut deep in my core,
A numbing torment I can't quite ignore.

I love to breathe life, to taste every thrill,
Yet sometimes I ponder this heavy, dark chill.
What if I wandered through dreams without pain?
Would my heart still be yearning, or lost in the rain?

Each heartbeat a rhythm, a song intertwined,
Yet a ghost of despair lingers close to my mind.
I'm caught in a struggle, between light and the shade,
In moments of joy, the old fears invade.

How do I chase away shadows that cling,
When joy wrestles sorrow, a cruel silent sting?
Perhaps in the chaos, a whisper is found,
That life is a tapestry, woven unbound.

I seek not a cure, but a path through the night,
To learn how to cherish the in-betweens, despite
The weight of existence, the bittersweet trace,
For in loving the journey, I might find my place.

So here I stand, with a heart worn and true,
Embracing the chaos, the old and the new.
In moments of darkness, I’ll seek for the light,
For life is a canvas, my spirit ignites.