What you're experiencing sounds like a manifestation of OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Individuals with OCD often have intrusive thoughts that can be distressing and may be completely contrary to their actual wishes and values. In your case, touching meat triggered a thought about harming someone, which is not a reflection of your true intentions or desires, but rather a symptom of your OCD.
It's important to remember that OCD can distort thinking, leading to fears about certain actions or items, like meat in your case. The thoughts are not an indication that you would act on them; they are part of the disorder itself. Many people with OCD experience similar intrusive thoughts, and seeking help from a mental health professional can be very beneficial. They can provide strategies, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), to help manage these intrusive thoughts and reduce their impact on your life.