(on why it shouldngt be legal to own exotic animals as pets)

Question

Coherence
 My claim statement clearly sets up the body paragraphs.
 My body paragraphs begin with topic sentences and include cited, supportive evidence.
 My ideas are clarified or strengthened.
 Off-topic, redundant, or unnecessary sentences are deleted
 Transitions help to connect my ideas.
 My conclusion rephrases my claim, includes a conditional statement, and recaps my main points. Review your rough draft and find one sentence that you can improve for coherence. Revise and write your new sentence:

What did you do to improve this sentence?

Answer 1

To help you with this task, I’ll create a hypothetical rough draft sentence related to the topic. Here’s an example issue sentence:

Original Sentence: "Exotic animals are not good pets because they need special care."

Revised Sentence: "Exotic animals require specialized care and environments that most pet owners cannot provide, rendering them unsuitable as household pets."

What I Did to Improve This Sentence: I elaborated on the original idea by specifying that "special care" includes "specialized care and environments," clarifying the necessity for specific habitats that typical pet owners may not be able to recreate. This revision strengthens the argument by providing more detail about why exotic animals are inappropriate as pets, enhancing the overall coherence and clarity of the body paragraph.