Question
Read the two introductory paragraphs representing a first draft and a revision of a narrative about making a difficult choice.
First Draft: Last week, I won two tickets to see the hottest band in the country perform. I will never forget the anticipation I felt waiting to find out if I was the lucky caller. The only problem was that I would have to choose who to go with me: Jackie or Sharon.
Revision: Last week, I won two tickets to see the hottest band in the country perform. I was on pins and needles as I hung on the line, dying to see if I was the lucky caller. The only problem was that I would be forced to make a choice between my two best friends. Should I invite Jackie or Sharon?
What types of descriptive language strengthen the revision?
hyperbole and figurative language
sensory details and precise adjectives
simile and figurative language
metaphor and strong verbs
First Draft: Last week, I won two tickets to see the hottest band in the country perform. I will never forget the anticipation I felt waiting to find out if I was the lucky caller. The only problem was that I would have to choose who to go with me: Jackie or Sharon.
Revision: Last week, I won two tickets to see the hottest band in the country perform. I was on pins and needles as I hung on the line, dying to see if I was the lucky caller. The only problem was that I would be forced to make a choice between my two best friends. Should I invite Jackie or Sharon?
What types of descriptive language strengthen the revision?
hyperbole and figurative language
sensory details and precise adjectives
simile and figurative language
metaphor and strong verbs
Answers
GPT-4o mini
The types of descriptive language that strengthen the revision are **sensory details and precise adjectives**. Phrases like “I was on pins and needles” and “dying to see” create a vivid sense of anticipation and tension, while specifying that these are "my two best friends" adds emotional depth to the choice the narrator must make. Overall, the revision enhances the emotional engagement of the narrative.