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Practice a few I-statements out loud. Write a few down.

Common Errors When Constructing I-Statements
1. Avoid inserting "that" or "like"
The phrases "I feel that..." or "I feel like..." are really expressions of thought, often an
opinion or judgment. The use of "I feel" should always be followed by a feeling such as
"sad", "glad", afraid", etc.
2. Avoid disguised YOU statements
These include sentences that begin with "I feel that you..." or "I feel like you..." Again, these phrases immediately put the listener into a defensive
position. You are backing them into a corner, and they may feel the need to verbally
strike back.
3. Avoid accentuating your negative feelings
Many people spend a lot of time focusing on communicating their negative feelings and
forget to communicate their positive feelings. It is equally important to express your joy,
happiness, relief, etc. This way, the person feels appreciated and praised.
4. Avoid downplaying the intensity of your feelings
When individuals first start working with I-statements, it is common for them to at first
send a message that minimizes the intensity of their feelings and consequently their
attempt to communicate has less impact on the receiver. Remember: It is very important
to match the message you send to your level of feeling.
9 Avoid using I-statements to express anger. Instead, learn to express primary
feelings (hurt, frustration, fear, disappointment) before you get angry.

1 answer

Here are a few examples of I-statements that adhere to your guidelines:

  1. Expressing Happiness:

    • "I feel really happy when we spend time together."

  2. Expressing Concern:

    • "I feel worried when you don’t communicate with me about your plans."

  3. Expressing Disappointment:

    • "I feel disappointed when deadlines are missed because it impacts my ability to complete my tasks."

  4. Expressing Gratitude:

    • "I feel grateful when you support me during challenging times."

  5. Expressing Fear:

    • "I feel afraid when I am not included in important decisions because I value being part of the team."

  6. Expressing Excitement:

    • "I feel excited when we brainstorm new ideas together because it inspires creativity."

Common Errors Examples

  1. Avoiding "that" or "like":

    • Incorrect: "I feel that you don’t care."
    • Correct: "I feel hurt when I think my efforts go unnoticed."

  2. Avoiding Disguised YOU Statements:

    • Incorrect: "I feel like you never listen to me."
    • Correct: "I feel ignored when I’m not acknowledged during discussions."

  3. Avoiding Accentuation of Negative Feelings:

    • Incorrect: "I feel bad when you criticize my work."
    • Correct: "I feel encouraged when you provide constructive feedback."

  4. Avoiding Downplaying Intensity:

    • Incorrect: "I feel a bit upset when you’re late."
    • Correct: "I feel really anxious when our meetings start late because I worry about our agenda."

  5. Expressing Primary Feelings Instead of Anger:

    • Incorrect: "I feel angry when you interrupt me."
    • Correct: "I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted because I want to share my ideas completely."

These examples should help guide you in practicing effective I-statements while avoiding common pitfalls.