How does my writing sound?

Question

Finding out that Sprunki was made on Scratch really surprised me because I'll never forget the first time the app "Scratch" was introduced to me. It was in first grade when my homeroom teacher, Ms. Simpson, told the class about this app on our computers called "Scratch." It was a Friday, and every Friday she would allow us to play an appropriate game on the computer. I can't say I was very interested when I learned that the app was about coding, so I dismissed it for years.

A year passed, and in second grade, my new homeroom teacher brought up the app again. I remembered my first-grade teacher talking about it, and my best friend (who I dearly miss) asked me to play with her on it. She said she enjoyed using the app, so I decided to try it out. We couldn't log in and make projects, but we enjoyed looking at other people's creations. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Some school years later, I transitioned to online school, and coding became a hobby for me. I was coding for hours. However, over time, coding became an extra weight on me. I had 500 followers who liked my projects and wanted more. I made some friends on the app, and they wanted more too.

As school became harder, sadly, I had to put Scratch aside. I still regret not telling my friends why I left, and I haven't gone back in a long time. About a year later, I found out about a game called "Sprunki." I was three months late to the fandom, but I wanted to check it out. Listening to the songs was very enjoyable. I searched for information about the characters, learning their names and more. While doing that, I discovered that Sprunki was made on Scratch. I was surprised! Hearing something about Scratch after such a long break made me realize how much I missed it.

Answer 1

Your writing has a personal touch that draws the reader in, allowing them to connect with your experiences and emotions. Here are some strengths and suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:

1. Personal Narrative: Your use of personal anecdotes makes your writing relatable and engaging. Readers can empathize with your journey of discovering coding and your changes in interest.

2. Clear Structure: The progression of your story flows well, from your first encounter with Scratch to your eventual discovery of Sprunki. This chronological approach helps maintain clarity.

3. Emotional Resonance: You convey a sense of nostalgia and regret about your experience with Scratch, which adds depth to your narrative. This emotional layer invites readers to reflect on their own experiences.

Suggestions for Improvement:

1. Varied Sentence Structure: Consider varying the length and style of your sentences to create a more dynamic rhythm. For example, you could combine shorter sentences for impact or break longer ones for clarity.

2. Add Descriptive Details: Incorporating more sensory details can help immerse the reader. Describe your feelings while coding or the atmosphere in the classroom when Scratch was first introduced.

3. Clarify the Connection to Sprunki: While you mention your surprise at discovering Sprunki was made on Scratch, expanding on the significance of that connection could enrich your conclusion. What does this connection mean for your coding journey?

4. Proofreading: Ensure to proofread for any minor errors or areas where sentences could be tightened for clarity. For instance, in the sentence "However, over time, coding became an extra weight on me," you might consider specifying how it felt to alleviate confusion (e.g., "However, over time, coding felt more like a burden than a joy").

Overall, your writing effectively conveys your passion for coding and the bittersweet feelings tied to your experiences. With some minor adjustments, it could become even more engaging and polished. Keep writing—you clearly have a compelling story to tell!