Your commentary contains insightful observations about the relationship between superstition, leadership, and natural disasters, but it could benefit from a clearer logical flow to enhance coherence and readability. Below are suggestions that help to better organize your essay while retaining your original ideas:
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Introduction of Themes: Start with a brief overview of what your commentary will cover—the intertwining of superstition and scientific understanding, the response of leadership during crises, and the implications of these elements on public behavior.
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Clearer Segmentation: Break the text into distinct sections with smooth transitions. For instance, your discussion on President Yudhoyono can be a separate paragraph, followed by President Joko Widodo's example. This helps emphasize the differences and similarities in leadership responses.
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Eliminate Redundancies:Reduce repetition of ideas, such as the idea that rituals lack scientific basis. You mention this several times, so consolidating such points will make your argument stronger without becoming repetitive.
Here's a revised version of your commentary, structured with these suggestions in mind:
The people's notion to slaughter goats is rooted in religious or traditional beliefs regarding the causes of natural disasters. This idea may arise due to the stress the population has been facing during challenging times, or it may be an attempt by someone to exploit the situation. However, this is a non-scientific belief; scientific theories are based on repeatedly tested and confirmed facts. As such, this theory or superstitious notion cannot be substantiated. While it is an open idea that can be examined, the desired outcome of such actions will not materialize.
In response to the SMS appeal regarding goat sacrifices, President Yudhoyono provided a fitting reply that emphasized rational discourse. He pointed out that natural disasters occur independently and cannot be stopped merely by the slaughter of goats. By dismissing the fanciful notion of goat sacrifices, he appealed to the populace's common sense and underscored the importance of recognizing the actual causes of natural disasters. Instead of focusing on rituals devoid of scientific foundation, he encouraged citizens to find solace in prayer. Furthermore, he expressed concern that such actions could incite panic and ordered an investigation into the origin of the SMS appeal. Yudhoyono reassured his constituents that alerts regarding natural disasters would always be broadcast publicly through national television or radio, ensuring the public remained well-informed.
In Indonesia, where superstition frequently intertwines with religion, such beliefs can gain traction during difficult times. This is where a rational leader, able to think critically and manage with clarity, can make a crucial difference between life and death. A notable example is during the earthquake in September 2018 that struck the island of Sulawesi, triggering a tsunami that resulted in significant loss of life and destruction of infrastructure. President Joko Widodo's response was marked by his calm demeanor; he assured the public that his government was actively working on immediate relief for the victims. He also visited the disaster-stricken areas to show support and reassure affected citizens that their needs would be met.
The superstitious idea to sacrifice goats stems from the belief that natural disasters are caused by divine forces, a notion that is untested and unscientific. This belief can be examined, but the results will never be consistent, as it lacks a scientific basis. Regardless of whether the president were to slaughter a thousand goats in response to a natural disaster, the outcome would always be a matter of chance. Natural disasters transpire independently and may cease abruptly, regardless of any sacrificial rituals.
In conclusion, this idea is not scientifically based and cannot stand up to scientific testing. It remains a religious notion or belief and will always remain in that realm.
By reordering your commentary and clarifying transitions between sections, it enhances the logical progression and ensures a more coherent flow of ideas. This way, your insights about the implications of superstition and the role of leadership in crises stand out more effectively.