Did you know students could do better if they had outdoor recess? My claim is that outdoor recess shouldn’t be discontinued as students move up to higher grades. Recess can help improve a student’s physical and mental health, by allowing them to exercise. Recess also helps with schoolwork, like PE. Recess is important for movement and removing it can be bad.

Question

Recess and improve a student’s physical health by allowing them to exercise. This is because activities like running can help with bone health. Recess also helps provide vitamin D from sun exposure. It helps a student’s mental because it can help reduce stress which prevents mental health issues. High stress level in young students could lead to depression when they are older.

Schools will have courses like PE, where 30 minutes are required a day. Recess can help with PE since there are different activities to do. This is helpful since students won’t have to worry about doing exercise in their home with the added stress of needing to do homework. This helps improve a student’s body too as they are doing exercise for a good amount of time. Although people might complain on how recess time would be better spent doing homework, even so, it is shown that time outside can help one work better.

fix any grammical errors or anything else please. also, PLEASE do not rewrite the essay into your own words, thank you. Please list all changes.

(also i would like if you could focus on the third paragraph more)

Answer 1

Here are the grammatical and stylistic changes made to your essay, with a focus on the third paragraph as you requested:

1. First Sentence: "My claim is that outdoor recess shouldn’t be discontinued as students move up to higher grades."

   • Change: Removed "is that" for clarity.
   • Revised: "My claim outdoor recess shouldn’t be discontinued as students move up to higher grades."

2. Second Sentence: "Recess can help improve a student’s physical and mental health, by allowing them to exercise."

   • Change: Removed the comma after "health."
   • Revised: "Recess can help improve a student’s physical and mental health by allowing them to exercise."

3. Third Sentence: "Recess also helps with schoolwork, like PE."

   • Change: Clarified "schoolwork, like PE." to "schoolwork, such as PE."
   • Revised: "Recess also helps with schoolwork, such as PE."

4. Fourth Sentence: "Recess is important for movement and removing it can be bad."

   • Change: Rephrased for clarity.
   • Revised: "Recess is important for movement, and removing it can have negative effects."

5. Fifth Sentence: "Recess and improve a student’s physical health by allowing them to exercise."

   • Change: Changed "Recess and improve" to "Recess can improve."
   • Revised: "Recess can improve a student’s physical health by allowing them to exercise."

6. Sixth Sentence: "This is because activities like running can help with bone health."

   • Change: Merged this with the previous sentence for fluidity.
   • Revised: "Recess can improve a student’s physical health by allowing them to exercise through activities such as running, which can help with bone health."

7. Seventh Sentence: "Recess also helps provide vitamin D from sun exposure."

   • Change: Added "This" at the beginning for clarity.
   • Revised: "This also helps provide vitamin D from sun exposure."

8. Eighth Sentence: "It helps a student’s mental because it can help reduce stress which prevents mental health issues."

   • Change: Added "health" after "mental" and adjusted punctuation.
   • Revised: "It helps a student’s mental health because it can help reduce stress, which prevents mental health issues."

9. Ninth Sentence: "High stress level in young students could lead to depression when they are older."

   • Change: Changed "High stress level" to "High stress levels."
   • Revised: "High stress levels in young students could lead to depression when they are older."

10. Tenth Sentence: "Schools will have courses like PE, where 30 minutes are required a day."

    • Change: Changed "are required a day" to "are required each day."
    • Revised: "Schools will have courses like PE, where 30 minutes are required each day."

11. Eleventh Sentence: "Recess can help with PE since there are different activities to do."

    • Change: Changed "since there are different activities to do" to "as it provides different activities."
    • Revised: "Recess can help with PE as it provides different activities."

12. Twelfth Sentence: "This is helpful since students won’t have to worry about doing exercise in their home with the added stress of needing to do homework."

    • Change: Changed "in their home" to "at home."
    • Revised: "This is helpful since students won’t have to worry about doing exercise at home with the added stress of needing to do homework."

13. Thirteenth Sentence: "This helps improve a student’s body too as they are doing exercise for a good amount of time."

    • Change: Added a comma after "too."
    • Revised: "This helps improve a student’s body too, as they are doing exercise for a good amount of time."

14. Fourteenth Sentence: "Although people might complain on how recess time would be better spent doing homework, even so, it is shown that time outside can help one work better."

    • Change: Changed "on how" to "about how."
    • Revised: "Although people might complain about how recess time would be better spent doing homework, even so, it is shown that time outside can help one work better."

By focusing on clarity and grammatical accuracy, these changes enhance the readability of your essay while maintaining your original structure and intent.