Question

Please write me a savage reply to this that will make them be quiet
Me: I was going to get it but I was scared that I might get kidnapped
Person: They will bring you back

Answer 1

"Maybe, but I'd prefer not to be 'returned' like a bad Amazon package."

Answer 2

The only reason they'd bring me back is because you're too broken to pay the ransom.

Answer 3

The only reason they'd bring me back is because you're too lazy to come get me.