(14) Angela's Aunt Maya, who had generously loaned the girls the equipment and who would be accompanying them out on the lake, looked at Dana sympathetically and said, "It's really easy when you get the hang of it." (15) Picking up a paddle, the side-to-side motion the girls would need to use to glide across the water while standing on their boards is what she demonstrated. (16) Then, after telling each girl to kneel on her board, she launched them both onto the water and instructed,

Question

(14) Angela's Aunt Maya, who had generously loaned the girls the equipment and who would be accompanying them out on the lake, looked at Dana sympathetically and said, "It's really easy when you get the hang of it." (15) Picking up a paddle, the side-to-side motion the girls would need to use to glide across the water while standing on their boards is what she demonstrated. (16) Then, after telling each girl to kneel on her board, she launched them both onto the water and instructed,
"You can stand up after you paddle farther out."
(17) This isn't so bad, Dana thought with surprise as she followed Angela toward the center of the lake. (18) Maybe I'll just continue kneeling on my board. (19) But then she saw that Angela had already risen to a standing position. (20) Seeing her friend's expectant look, Dana randomly scrambled up too. (21) Aunt Maya, who was right behind them, enthusiastically said, "Good job, girls! (22) Let's paddle around that little island."
(23) As the three made their way around the rocky island, the cool breeze and water sparkled and swept away the last remnants of Dana's uncertainty. (24) She paddled faster to get closer to Angela so she could admit, "I hate to say it, but this is actually fun."
(25) Angela responded by making a face.
(26) "What's the matter?" Dana asked.
(27) "You just made it harder for me to complain about your choice of activity."
Angela answered.
(28) "Yep," Dana confirmed. (29) "And I have a sneaking suspicion that you are going to absolutely love them."
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What is the MOST effective way to revise sentence 23?
@ As the three made their way around the rocky island, the cool breeze and sparkling water swept away the last remnants of Dana's uncertainty.
® As the three made their way around the rocky island, the last remnants of Dana's uncertainty were swept away by the cool
breeze and the water sparkled.
© As the three made their way around the rocky island, the cool breeze, and the water that sparkled, it swept away the last remnants of Dana's uncertainty.
® As the three made their way around the rocky island, Dana's uncertainty and the last remnants of it were swept away by
the cool breeze and sparkling water.

GPT-4o mini · Answer

The MOST effective way to revise sentence 23 is:

® As the three made their way around the rocky island, the cool breeze and sparkling water swept away the last remnants of Dana's uncertainty.

This version is concise, maintains clarity, and effectively conveys the imagery and intended meaning without unnecessary complexity or awkward phrasing.