Your passage is mostly clear, but there are a few grammatical errors and areas of repetition that can be improved. Here’s the corrected version and a list of errors found:
Corrected Version:
In the article “Perfectly Imperfect” by Donna Bozzone, the text structure is compare and contrast. I identified this when the author compared Michael Phelps with Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. She says, “Like the Vitruvian Man, most people have a wingspan roughly the same as their height. Phelps’ wingspan is 6 feet 7 inches, three inches longer than his height.” Another example of compare and contrast is when the author compares humans to our primate ancestors. For example, she states, “Humans’ primate ancestors grew bigger jaws than we do, because they ate tougher foods. Now our teeth are crowded.” The author’s choice of structure helped me as a reader because...
List of Errors and Improvements:
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Punctuation and Capitalization:
- "by Donna Bozzone” → “by Donna Bozzone, ” (added a comma for better flow after the title).
- "the author compared Michael Phelps with Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man when she said:" → "the author compared Michael Phelps with Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. She says," (changed to a period for clarity and flow).
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Clarity and Consistency:
- "the author compares humans to our primate, for example, the author says this:" → "the author compares humans to our primate ancestors. For example, she states," (made "our primate" plural to maintain consistency and clarity and avoided repetition of “the author”).
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Possessive Apostrophe:
- "authors choice" should be "author's choice" (added an apostrophe for possessive form).
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Repetition:
- The phrase “the author” is repeated multiple times. Consider using synonyms like “the writer” or simply “she” after the first mention.
Overall, your ideas were well-structured, and with these small corrections, it reads more clearly and smoothly.
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