Question

make this poem flow better
and how is it


I blamed all that happened on you
But yet i have the right
What i saw was far from your view
Different from what you did

Even if you were there, you werent
The father is one to protect
Instead the one that broke me the most
Each dawn you stole, each hope you choked

I tried mend the stone
To save your marriage, to play my part?
But it was yours, not mine, not mine to do
I'm just a child all i wanted to be

A child that wanted a fathers embrace
Yet a teen trapped in his own mistakes
while I grew, you only stayed young
I learned the lessons you were supposed to know

When i saw the other kids played with their dads
I was left alone
No one's shoulders to ride on
No one to play ball

I forgave and i forgot
But each time i forgave
It go harder and harder
To forget

So i tried to block out the guilt
Did everything you did
It seemed to work with you
But made me blind to the truth

You didnt try You gave up
When it got hard you quiet
While i tried
While my childhood was gone you were stuck in yours

So now i might be done
I still do miss you
I hate that i do
But i can't call you my dad when you are just a kid

I hate the feeling you left me with
When you would go out that door
Leave me in the dark
Without a clue if you were safe or in danger

That breaks your daughter
I was a kid
You were supposed to be a man
But i grew up before you

So i'm trying to kill you in my mind
But my mind kills me
I'm trying to fight the urge to yell
To scream at voices

To stop

Answer 1

Here’s a revised version of your poem that enhances the flow while preserving its emotional depth:

---

I blamed it all on you, it’s true,
Yet deep down, I have the right.
What I saw was far from your view,
So different from your choices, your plight.

Even when you were there, you weren’t,
A father should protect, but you broke me instead.
Each dawn you stole, each hope you burnt,
With every quiet moment, my spirit bled.

I tried to mend the stone you cast,
To save your marriage, to play my part,
But it was yours to heal, not mine to grasp—
I was just a child with a longing heart.

A child craving a father’s embrace,
Yet a teen burdened by his mistakes,
While I grew up, you stayed in place,
Learning lessons you were meant to take.

I watched other kids play, laughter in the sun,
While I felt lonely, void of your grace—
No shoulders to ride on, no games to be won,
Just emptiness left in your absent space.

I forgave, I forgot, but with each passing time,
Each time I let go, forgetting felt steep.
The harder it grew, a mountain to climb,
An echo of hurt, a promise I keep.

I blocked out the guilt, mirrored your way,
What seemed to work for you clouded my sight.
You didn’t try; you simply gave way,
As I fought to hold on, alone in the night.

So now I might be done, as I look back and sigh,
I miss you, it hurts, though I wish it weren’t true.
But how can I call you my dad when you’re shy—
A child yourself, lost in shadows and blue?

The weight that you left when you walked out that door,
Cast me in darkness, unsure if you’d stay.
That breaks your daughter; it shattered her core,
I grew up too fast while you lost your way.

I wrestle the thoughts, trying to push them aside,
Yet my mind is a battlefield, echoing loud.
I yearn to scream out, unleash the tide,
But the silence constricts, holding me bound.

So I’m trying to find peace, to quiet my heart,
Though the pain lingers on like a whispering ghost.
I’ll find a way forward; I’ll tear it apart—
For the child that I was still longs for you most.

---

I hope this version resonates with the original sentiment and provides a smoother reading experience while retaining your heartfelt message.