i kind of made a mistake so i just want to correct some. after cleaniless, i want to put cleaniless and organization.
there's a sentence that says, "when we arrived in the city of Tracy, i was happy to see that my DAD bought..."
not my day bought....
Life in America is completely different compared to life in India. As my father drove us to our new house after he picked us from the airport, all I saw was open space and emptiness. I lived in a town in India where there were always people walking and cars honking on the road. I was surrounded in noise every day, so it never occurred to me that there could be any place as quiet and empty in the world. The only thing I liked when I first saw America was its cleanliness. I liked how everyone follows the rules and how everyone drives their car in their own lanes. India is totally the opposite of United States where people just throw their garbage on the side of the road and no matter how many times the city officials paint lanes on the road, no one seems to want to use them. When we arrived in the city of Tracy, I was happy to see that my day bought a house that has five bedrooms, an office room, three bathrooms, and two living rooms. My house seemed like a mansion when I first put my foot inside, because my home in India was three times as small. As much as I was enjoying and was getting used to the everyday life in my mansion, I still had to get used to my outside life as well. I felt excited that my brother and I have a chance to live in this luxurious life in a well-developed country, but my anxiety kicked in when my dad came into my room and said that my first day of school would start on Monday.
5 answers
1. "I was surrounded in noise every day"
"I was surrounded by noise every day"
2. "I liked how everyone follows the rules and how everyone drives their car in their own lanes."
You've changed tense in the middle of the sentence here; try "I like how everyone follows the rules and how everyone drives their car in their own lane" or "I liked how everyone followed the rules and how everyone drove their car in their own lane." Everyone is singular (think 'each one'), so it should be lane, not lanes. Their is okay; it's considered a valid third-person singular gender-neutral pronoun.
Also, this isn't incorrect, but the sentence seems redundant and could be phrased as "I liked how everyone followed the rules and drove their car in their own lane," but it's correct as it is.
3. This is really nitpicky, but it seems to me that "three times as small" (or "three times smaller", as well) isn't right -- once something is one time smaller, it doesn't exist anymore. People aren't so pedantic, though, and they'll get the meaning (and things like this probably won't occur to them at all) but if you want to change it, "one third the size" might be better.
4. "I felt excited that my brother and I have a chance to live in this luxurious life in a well-developed country"
Should be "I felt excited that my brother and I had a chance to live this luxurious life in a well-developed country."
A life is lived, not lived in.
It looks great overall, though; there are just a couple of minor mistakes and some trivial things that only pedantic nerds (coughcoughmecough) care about.
"I was surrounded by noise every day"
2. "I liked how everyone follows the rules and how everyone drives their car in their own lanes."
You've changed tense in the middle of the sentence here; try "I like how everyone follows the rules and how everyone drives their car in their own lane" or "I liked how everyone followed the rules and how everyone drove their car in their own lane." Everyone is singular (think 'each one'), so it should be lane, not lanes. Their is okay; it's considered a valid third-person singular gender-neutral pronoun.
Also, this isn't incorrect, but the sentence seems redundant and could be phrased as "I liked how everyone followed the rules and drove their car in their own lane," but it's correct as it is.
3. This is really nitpicky, but it seems to me that "three times as small" (or "three times smaller", as well) isn't right -- once something is one time smaller, it doesn't exist anymore. People aren't so pedantic, though, and they'll get the meaning (and things like this probably won't occur to them at all) but if you want to change it, "one third the size" might be better.
4. "I felt excited that my brother and I have a chance to live in this luxurious life in a well-developed country"
Should be "I felt excited that my brother and I had a chance to live this luxurious life in a well-developed country."
A life is lived, not lived in.
It looks great overall, though; there are just a couple of minor mistakes and some trivial things that only pedantic nerds (coughcoughmecough) care about.
My most memorable moment was when I almost drowned at my friends birthday party. It was a hotel pool party with an indoor and outdoor swimming pool. The weather was nice that dayand everything, until Ialmost drowned when a boy haed threw me into the pool. Luckily,I had taken swimming lessons two years prior to the pool party. He had threw others into the pool too. Afterwards I told my mother who was also there and she was really glad that I was okay. That made me cherish my lifea whole lot more. That still hunts my past to this day. Now when I swim I use a floaty. I am so glad that they're floaty's for people like me.
Do you think you will ever be able to give me a 2nd chance.
I know that i lied to you and hurt your feelings,
but I just had to get to know you. And I want you
to know that i really like you and I want to get to
know you even better. I hope that you can forgive me.
I know that your very upset with me but i am really sorry.
I know that i am accountable for all the things that I do ,
but i never want to hurt you again i know just how you feel.
Iv'e been done wrong countless times in my short life,
and iv'e wrote a poem/rap for you to show you a little of what iv'e been through.
Hopefully this letter will help me win a second chance with you.
But if not tell me so and I will be out of your life forever.
I know that i lied to you and hurt your feelings,
but I just had to get to know you. And I want you
to know that i really like you and I want to get to
know you even better. I hope that you can forgive me.
I know that your very upset with me but i am really sorry.
I know that i am accountable for all the things that I do ,
but i never want to hurt you again i know just how you feel.
Iv'e been done wrong countless times in my short life,
and iv'e wrote a poem/rap for you to show you a little of what iv'e been through.
Hopefully this letter will help me win a second chance with you.
But if not tell me so and I will be out of your life forever.
your the man i always wish you'd turn out tobe a great dad husband a great son. Youv'e made me proud to be your mother.
1 answer