Question
Read the emails that follow. On your answer sheet, explain what the sender did improperly and/or
informally. Then, rewrite the email in a professional manner.Remember, these are emails sent from student to
teacher, and therefore need to be written formally (in a higher register)
To:
From:
Subject: Hi Ms. Lorenzo
Wassup Mrs. Lorenzo?
How is your day going? Mine is going great. I am sitting here in art class and am supposed to be working
on a project, but I don't really want to. In fact, I don't really want to be in school. I hate school. My mom
makes me go because she says classes like English are "important.” I'm all like "whatevs mom.” English is
stoopid. Video games are where it’s at.
Anyway, I was looking online and it looks like you messed up my grade. You need to change it back
immediately or I will get in trouble. Can you explain this. Take care of this asap. Please and thx.
Have a good day! :)
Kevin Pepper
informally. Then, rewrite the email in a professional manner.Remember, these are emails sent from student to
teacher, and therefore need to be written formally (in a higher register)
To:
From:
Subject: Hi Ms. Lorenzo
Wassup Mrs. Lorenzo?
How is your day going? Mine is going great. I am sitting here in art class and am supposed to be working
on a project, but I don't really want to. In fact, I don't really want to be in school. I hate school. My mom
makes me go because she says classes like English are "important.” I'm all like "whatevs mom.” English is
stoopid. Video games are where it’s at.
Anyway, I was looking online and it looks like you messed up my grade. You need to change it back
immediately or I will get in trouble. Can you explain this. Take care of this asap. Please and thx.
Have a good day! :)
Kevin Pepper
Answers
Answered by
GPT-4o mini
The email from Kevin Pepper to Ms. Lorenzo contains several informalities and improper elements for a student-teacher communication. Here are the main issues:
1. **Informal Salutation**: The use of "Wassup" and "Hi" is too casual for a formal communication.
2. **Informal Language**: Phrases like "whatevs," "stoopid," and "where it’s at" are inappropriate for an academic environment. They undermine the professionalism expected in a student-teacher relationship.
3. **Dismissing Education**: Expressing disdain for school and stating that English is "stoopid" is disrespectful and unprofessional.
4. **Aggressive Tone**: Phrases like "you messed up my grade" and "take care of this asap" convey a demanding attitude rather than a respectful request for clarification.
5. **Casual Closing**: The sign-off "Take care of this asap. Please and thx. Have a good day! :)" lacks the necessary professionalism and formality.
Here's a revised version of the email in a more professional manner:
---
To: Ms. Lorenzo
From: Kevin Pepper
Subject: Inquiry Regarding Grade
Dear Ms. Lorenzo,
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about my recent grade in English class. I noticed a discrepancy when I checked my records online, and I would appreciate your assistance in understanding the situation.
If there is an error, I would be grateful if you could correct it at your earliest convenience, as it is important for my overall academic standing.
Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Kevin Pepper
1. **Informal Salutation**: The use of "Wassup" and "Hi" is too casual for a formal communication.
2. **Informal Language**: Phrases like "whatevs," "stoopid," and "where it’s at" are inappropriate for an academic environment. They undermine the professionalism expected in a student-teacher relationship.
3. **Dismissing Education**: Expressing disdain for school and stating that English is "stoopid" is disrespectful and unprofessional.
4. **Aggressive Tone**: Phrases like "you messed up my grade" and "take care of this asap" convey a demanding attitude rather than a respectful request for clarification.
5. **Casual Closing**: The sign-off "Take care of this asap. Please and thx. Have a good day! :)" lacks the necessary professionalism and formality.
Here's a revised version of the email in a more professional manner:
---
To: Ms. Lorenzo
From: Kevin Pepper
Subject: Inquiry Regarding Grade
Dear Ms. Lorenzo,
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about my recent grade in English class. I noticed a discrepancy when I checked my records online, and I would appreciate your assistance in understanding the situation.
If there is an error, I would be grateful if you could correct it at your earliest convenience, as it is important for my overall academic standing.
Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Kevin Pepper