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It sounds like you’re describing a situation where a customer is sharing excessive information while you’re trying to take their order, which is causing frustration for the people waiting in line. If you're looking to convey this scenario more succinctly, here’s a possible revision:
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I asked the customer at the counter, "What can I get you?" He began to share his order but quickly veered into unnecessary detail: how he couldn’t find a parking spot near the coffee shop, how he was running late for work, and how he was taking a much-needed vacation next week. As he rambled on, a line of annoyed customers began to form behind him, their impatience palpable.
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This version maintains the essence of your original text while improving clarity and flow. Let me know if you need any further assistance!