Yes, this is a good start for an essay. You present a clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments you'll discuss regarding the importance of preserving endangered species. Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by highlighting the ecological roles of animals and plants, particularly focusing on bees and their role in pollination. You also support your points with evidence and relevant citations, which adds credibility to your arguments. Overall, the groundwork you've laid has the potential to develop into a compelling essay.
DO NOT TELL ME WHAT NEEDS FIXING!!! just tell me if this is a good start for an essay with a thesis statement,
We must help preserve the life of endangered species because they play a fundamental role in maintaining ecological balance, maintain our ecosystems to keep them clean, and often take part in the helpful provision of food.
Animals like bees and even plants like trees help take part in the food provision process. Animals and Insects help pollinate plants, which then produce fruits and vegetables to consume. But now, the populations of certain animals and plants are going down, According to the article ‘Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern’ “ Bees are used to pollinate many crops, for instance a large portion of California’s almond crop, which relies heavily on bee pollination. Bees are also essential for the pollination of apple and citrus fruit crops. Without the pollination by bees, these plants are unable to reproduce and may die off.” This means that without animals like bees to pollinate plants, the vegetation will begin to die, and grow somewhat like the American chestnut. However, the cause is not natural. At least, not completely. Pesticides, Insecticides, and other chemicals are killing off not just bees, but other animals also. If a human can develop a cancer from weed killer and insecticide products, then the animals that eat the dead shrubbery are also most likely to get sick. Animals can suffer from Disorders caused by these chemicals. According to Source One, “The mass deaths of honeybees have been linked to something known as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)—a mysterious loss of bee colonies with many potential causes—as well as a variety of pesticides, parasites and disease, all of which hurt bee populations.”
7 answers
now compare it to this one, which i first did. The teacher wanted something that inst specific to one organism.
Endangered species’ have been threatened with extinction by pollution, hunting, poison, overhunting, and Insecticides. Insecticides poison plants and animals, cutting down on populations. It kills populations of Animals, Plants, and even can cause harm to humans. Diseases poison humans, animals, and even the outdoor foliage. And the thing is, Insecticides often harm people and animals with diseases.
The Bees
Bees are becoming slowly extinct by insecticides, poisons, and other harmful causes. Approximately one million bee colonies die each year, due to pesticides, insecticides, weed killers, fires, and natural causes. Accord to the article ‘Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern’,
“The mass deaths of honeybees have been linked to something known as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)—a mysterious loss of bee colonies with many potential causes—as well as a variety of pesticides, parasites and disease, all of which hurt bee populations. Other possible causes include land development and changes in agricultural practices around the world.” (Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern, courtesy of FCA)
In other words, Bees are dying of a disorder caused by chemicals and insecticides unless something changes. They are going to continue to die if this keeps up, as insecticides are common amongst farmers, also it is possible the Bee’s that are removed or do not do their jobs can also have a devastating effect on the surrounding plant life, according to the article:
Endangered species’ have been threatened with extinction by pollution, hunting, poison, overhunting, and Insecticides. Insecticides poison plants and animals, cutting down on populations. It kills populations of Animals, Plants, and even can cause harm to humans. Diseases poison humans, animals, and even the outdoor foliage. And the thing is, Insecticides often harm people and animals with diseases.
The Bees
Bees are becoming slowly extinct by insecticides, poisons, and other harmful causes. Approximately one million bee colonies die each year, due to pesticides, insecticides, weed killers, fires, and natural causes. Accord to the article ‘Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern’,
“The mass deaths of honeybees have been linked to something known as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)—a mysterious loss of bee colonies with many potential causes—as well as a variety of pesticides, parasites and disease, all of which hurt bee populations. Other possible causes include land development and changes in agricultural practices around the world.” (Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern, courtesy of FCA)
In other words, Bees are dying of a disorder caused by chemicals and insecticides unless something changes. They are going to continue to die if this keeps up, as insecticides are common amongst farmers, also it is possible the Bee’s that are removed or do not do their jobs can also have a devastating effect on the surrounding plant life, according to the article:
The second essay offers a more focused narrative on the issue of endangered species, primarily highlighting bees and the factors contributing to their decline. However, it lacks a clear overarching thesis statement that outlines a broader argument about the importance of preserving endangered species in general, as you provided in the first essay.
While both pieces discuss the impact of insecticides on specific organisms, the first essay does a better job of contextualizing the issue within the larger framework of ecological balance, health, and food provision. This broader perspective makes it more effective in demonstrating the interconnectedness of species and ecosystems.
In contrast, the second essay emphasizes the plight of bees in isolation and contains repetitive elements regarding insecticides, which could detract from the overall flow and coherence of the argument. It also tends to be less organized, lacking a smooth progression of ideas.
Overall, while both essays address important concerns, the first one is more effective in conveying a comprehensive argument about the significance of preserving endangered species beyond just one type of organism.
okay, how is this one? its expanded from number one.
Threatened Species Preservation
By James Mulcahey
We must help preserve the life of endangered species because they play a fundamental role in maintaining ecological balance, maintain our ecosystems to keep them clean, and often take part in the helpful provision of food.
Animals like bees and even plants like trees help take part in the food provision process. Animals and Insects help pollinate plants, which then produce fruits and vegetables to consume. But now, the populations of certain animals and plants are going down, According to the article ‘Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern’ “ Bees are used to pollinate many crops, for instance a large portion of California’s almond crop, which relies heavily on bee pollination. Bees are also essential for the pollination of apple and citrus fruit crops. Without the pollination by bees, these plants are unable to reproduce and may die off.” This means that without animals like bees to pollinate plants, the vegetation will begin to die, and grow somewhat like the American chestnut. However, the cause is not natural. At least, not completely. Pesticides, Insecticides, and other chemicals are killing off not just bees, but other animals also. If a human can develop a cancer from weed killer and insecticide products, then the animals that eat the dead shrubbery are also most likely to get sick. Animals can suffer from Disorders caused by these chemicals. According to Source One, “The mass deaths of honeybees have been linked to something known as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)—a mysterious loss of bee colonies with many potential causes—as well as a variety of pesticides, parasites and disease, all of which hurt bee populations.” Bees are affected by chemicals and diseases, and dramatic effects of chemicals and diseases means dramatic effects on our environment.
Diseases aren’t just caused by chemicals. They can be inflicted naturally. Trees are plagued by diseases caused by both humans and other plants. Some plants are harmed by other plants like mistletoe or the fungus. Others extract it from diseases or through weak spots in their exterior. According to ‘The American Chestnut’, “in each habitat, trees faced changes in their environment. The trees that were able to adapt to these changes and survive had different genes from the trees that died off. Over thousands of years, this made the species noticeably different. Asian chestnuts co-evolved with a fungus called Cryphonectria parasitica. Both Japanese and Chinese chestnut trees are usually able to resist the fungus and are not killed by the infection. But the American chestnut trees had not been previously exposed to this fungus and were especially vulnerable.” Plants and animals that are able to adapt to other species’ around them soon learn to co-exist side by side, and natural selection passes these genes on to the next generations. But when plants and animals are not able to co-exist and are introduced to diseases and other threats have a hard time co-existing with them. It often has a devastating effect on the species. That is why, according to Source Two, there are only a few places with some of these species’ left. “Pockets of the American chestnut still survive in the Northwestern United States, where the climate is too cold for the fungus to survive. On the East Coast, chestnut trees still sprout, but they typically die while they are still very young and before they have a chance to produce nuts.”
To prevent chemical harm and diseases, people must do their part. People must be aware of possibly endangered species around them, take the time to help the species, whether it be creating a bird house for a small endangered bird, or cutting down on weed killer for your yard to help bee’s get more pollen to support their colonies, or even just watering a rare tree in your front yard to help keep its health up. Certain people have taken the next step, going the extra mile to create systems and apps to help people protect local species. According to ‘want to help save animals threatened by extinction? Be a citizen scientist’, “The eBird website (or free mobile app) has a form with sections to identify the species and indicate the where and when of the sighting. The project has documented more than 100 million bird sightings, according to the eBird website.”
People who do their part make a better world for themselves, those around them, and the ecosystem. While some plant an endangered tree to help expand the population, to others creating a website to alert people about threats to endangered species’, the Community counts for what goes on in nature.
Threatened Species Preservation
By James Mulcahey
We must help preserve the life of endangered species because they play a fundamental role in maintaining ecological balance, maintain our ecosystems to keep them clean, and often take part in the helpful provision of food.
Animals like bees and even plants like trees help take part in the food provision process. Animals and Insects help pollinate plants, which then produce fruits and vegetables to consume. But now, the populations of certain animals and plants are going down, According to the article ‘Worldwide Loss of Bees a Growing Concern’ “ Bees are used to pollinate many crops, for instance a large portion of California’s almond crop, which relies heavily on bee pollination. Bees are also essential for the pollination of apple and citrus fruit crops. Without the pollination by bees, these plants are unable to reproduce and may die off.” This means that without animals like bees to pollinate plants, the vegetation will begin to die, and grow somewhat like the American chestnut. However, the cause is not natural. At least, not completely. Pesticides, Insecticides, and other chemicals are killing off not just bees, but other animals also. If a human can develop a cancer from weed killer and insecticide products, then the animals that eat the dead shrubbery are also most likely to get sick. Animals can suffer from Disorders caused by these chemicals. According to Source One, “The mass deaths of honeybees have been linked to something known as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)—a mysterious loss of bee colonies with many potential causes—as well as a variety of pesticides, parasites and disease, all of which hurt bee populations.” Bees are affected by chemicals and diseases, and dramatic effects of chemicals and diseases means dramatic effects on our environment.
Diseases aren’t just caused by chemicals. They can be inflicted naturally. Trees are plagued by diseases caused by both humans and other plants. Some plants are harmed by other plants like mistletoe or the fungus. Others extract it from diseases or through weak spots in their exterior. According to ‘The American Chestnut’, “in each habitat, trees faced changes in their environment. The trees that were able to adapt to these changes and survive had different genes from the trees that died off. Over thousands of years, this made the species noticeably different. Asian chestnuts co-evolved with a fungus called Cryphonectria parasitica. Both Japanese and Chinese chestnut trees are usually able to resist the fungus and are not killed by the infection. But the American chestnut trees had not been previously exposed to this fungus and were especially vulnerable.” Plants and animals that are able to adapt to other species’ around them soon learn to co-exist side by side, and natural selection passes these genes on to the next generations. But when plants and animals are not able to co-exist and are introduced to diseases and other threats have a hard time co-existing with them. It often has a devastating effect on the species. That is why, according to Source Two, there are only a few places with some of these species’ left. “Pockets of the American chestnut still survive in the Northwestern United States, where the climate is too cold for the fungus to survive. On the East Coast, chestnut trees still sprout, but they typically die while they are still very young and before they have a chance to produce nuts.”
To prevent chemical harm and diseases, people must do their part. People must be aware of possibly endangered species around them, take the time to help the species, whether it be creating a bird house for a small endangered bird, or cutting down on weed killer for your yard to help bee’s get more pollen to support their colonies, or even just watering a rare tree in your front yard to help keep its health up. Certain people have taken the next step, going the extra mile to create systems and apps to help people protect local species. According to ‘want to help save animals threatened by extinction? Be a citizen scientist’, “The eBird website (or free mobile app) has a form with sections to identify the species and indicate the where and when of the sighting. The project has documented more than 100 million bird sightings, according to the eBird website.”
People who do their part make a better world for themselves, those around them, and the ecosystem. While some plant an endangered tree to help expand the population, to others creating a website to alert people about threats to endangered species’, the Community counts for what goes on in nature.
This expanded version of your essay shows significant improvement, offering a more comprehensive exploration of the importance of preserving endangered species. Here are some key strengths:
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Clear Structure: The essay is well-organized with clear sections that flow logically. The thesis statement at the beginning appears strong, setting the stage for a discussion on the ecological balance and food provision roles of endangered species.
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Diverse Examples: You effectively incorporate a variety of examples, including bees and trees, illustrating the complex web of interactions in ecosystems. This broader perspective aligns well with your teacher's feedback about avoiding a focus on just one organism.
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Use of Evidence: You've included relevant quotes and references to support your arguments, which enhances the credibility of your claims. The citations are well-integrated into the text, providing context to your points.
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Call to Action: The concluding section encouraging individual action adds a positive and proactive dimension to the essay. It empowers readers by suggesting specific ways they can contribute to conservation efforts, fostering a sense of responsibility.
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Balanced Discussion: The essay discusses both the natural and human-induced threats to species, while also acknowledging the capacity for adaptation and evolution. This nuanced approach demonstrates a deep understanding of the complexities involved in conservation.
Overall, this revision offers a well-rounded and engaging argument for the preservation of endangered species, making it a strong start to an essay. You present a compelling case for the interconnectedness of ecosystems and the role that individuals can play in fostering a healthier environment.
is it good, and can i count it as complete, or should i keep going?
Your essay is well-developed and covers important points regarding the preservation of endangered species, their ecological roles, and how individuals can contribute to conservation efforts. If you feel that it effectively communicates your arguments and meets your assignment's requirements, you could consider it complete.
However, here are a few suggestions you might consider before finalizing it:
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Review for Clarity: Go through the essay to ensure that all your ideas are articulated clearly and concisely. Sometimes during the writing process, sentences can become overly complex.
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Check for Flow: Ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to another. Smooth transitions help guide the reader through your arguments.
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Edit for Grammar and Style: A thorough proofreading for grammar, punctuation, and style can enhance the professionalism of your work. Paying attention to these details makes your essay more polished.
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Address Feedback: If you received specific feedback from your teacher that hasn't been incorporated yet, consider making those adjustments.
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Conclusion Strength: Make sure that your conclusion effectively encapsulates your main points and leaves the reader with a strong take-home message.
If you've addressed these aspects and feel confident in your content and presentation, then you can consider it complete. Otherwise, if you have the time and motivation, a few final touches could elevate your work even further!
1 answer