Asked by christopher

The Rochester Institute of Technology in New York State chose 150 students born on June 12 1979. Each one received
a grant of $1,500 per year. These awards were given to select students to honor the school's 150th anniversary which was celebrated on June 12 1979.

my answer

The Rochester Institute of Technology in New York State chose 150 students born on June 12 1979. Each received a grant of $1,500 per year. These awards were given to the students to honor the school’s 150th anniversary.

Does that sound right?


Answered by Writeacher
I don't see any sentence combining here.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm
Answered by christopher
how about this for paralleism

The Rochester Institute of Technology in New York State chose 150 students born on June 12 1979. Each received a grant of $1,500 per year. These awards were given to select students to honor the school’s 150th anniversary.
Answered by Writeacher
need commas in correct places in the date
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
See #10

The revision doesn't make the clear connection between the June 12th date and the school's anniversary date.
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