You might want to focus on making your writing clearer and more concise. While your ideas are strong, some of your sentences are complex and could be simplified for better readability. Also, ensuring that your essay stays focused on the thesis throughout would strengthen your argument.

Question

rephrase like a 8th grader

Answer 1

You should work on making your writing easier to read and understand. Your ideas are good, but some of your sentences are too complicated and could be simpler. Also, make sure your essay stays on track with your main point to make your argument stronger.