Hi, my name is Niji, and it was first going to my new school ; therefore meaning I was very nervous, but out of the blue my brother came in my room, and asked what's wrong Niji, and after I explaind everything to him he gave me some advice, of how not be be nervous going to a new school. Such as: Transform nervous energy into enthusiasm, Attend other people’s speeches and write down what you see works for them, Arrive early, and Become familiar with your surroundings.

Question

Did I write a good story above , and did I use my punctuation correctly please correct me if I did?

Answer 1

Hi Niji, nice to meet you! Your story is great and you did a good job with your punctuation. However, there are a few corrections I can suggest:

Hi, my name is Niji, and it was my first day at a new school. Therefore, I was very nervous. But out of the blue, my brother came into my room and asked what's wrong, Niji? After I explained everything to him, he gave me some advice on how not to be nervous when going to a new school. He suggested transforming nervous energy into enthusiasm, attending other people’s speeches and writing down what works for them, arriving early, and becoming familiar with my surroundings.

Overall, your story is well-written and engaging. Keep up the good work, Niji!