Question

I wrote this poem and was wondering if someone could please edit it for me...thanks a million for the help =]

In my dreams, creeps up a guy,
Mysterious he is; as I know him not.
He smiles and I gaze-with a heartfelt sigh,
Daydreaming often of a true love knot.
His face personifies beauty,
From his perfect chin to his silken hair,
I would love to die for him as duty;
I wouldn’t even ever care.
When he pulls me close, I almost faint
For he is strikingly amazing
He has a face of an angel and deeds of a saint
It’s unexpectedly hard to stop gazing
Then all of a sudden he falls and is dead
My eyes pop in shock
But I wake up and find myself in bed…
Stupid alarm clock!

-MC

Answer 1

Very good poem!

However, I would eliminate the dash (-) in line 3 and use a word with fewer syllables than "unexpectedly" ("very"?) and eliminate "and is" to better maintain the rhythm.

I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.