Asked by Monica
Can you profread this for me please?
Overall the essay is very well developed and has some good concepts. After reading the entire essay I found the statement of conflict paragraph to be the weakest. The topic sentence that use really grabs the readers attention. The concepts that you used lacked good reasoning behind them. You start off strong backing up the concept that you used. Then when you begin explaining why it doesnt alter the orignial conflict you don't provide strong enough reasons for why it doesnt/ To improve this area of your paper next time make sure you expand throughly on your thoughts. Providing more detail will always make your concepts stronger. I would recommend for the process of elimination part that you use at least five concepts. By doing this it will help your paragraph become stronger and show that their are many reasons to why they don't alter the orignial conflict before you get to your solution. The solution to your problem works really well. Expand a little more on your solution next time because your reasonings sort of sound the same. Your closing sentence of the paragraph could be stronger because it doesnt really have that wow factor that readers might expect. Remember that you always want to exit with a strong thought that readers will remember. This paragraph needs some fixing up but the rest of your essay is outstanding. Take these recommendations into consideration so next time your paper will be brillant.
Overall the essay is very well developed and has some good concepts. After reading the entire essay I found the statement of conflict paragraph to be the weakest. The topic sentence that use really grabs the readers attention. The concepts that you used lacked good reasoning behind them. You start off strong backing up the concept that you used. Then when you begin explaining why it doesnt alter the orignial conflict you don't provide strong enough reasons for why it doesnt/ To improve this area of your paper next time make sure you expand throughly on your thoughts. Providing more detail will always make your concepts stronger. I would recommend for the process of elimination part that you use at least five concepts. By doing this it will help your paragraph become stronger and show that their are many reasons to why they don't alter the orignial conflict before you get to your solution. The solution to your problem works really well. Expand a little more on your solution next time because your reasonings sort of sound the same. Your closing sentence of the paragraph could be stronger because it doesnt really have that wow factor that readers might expect. Remember that you always want to exit with a strong thought that readers will remember. This paragraph needs some fixing up but the rest of your essay is outstanding. Take these recommendations into consideration so next time your paper will be brillant.
Answers
Answered by
Writeacher
It would help if you put all the positive comments together and all the negative comments together. Having them mixed up like this is extremely difficult to follow.
Answered by
Monica
Is the grammar good though? I will change it and put all the positive and then all the negative together.
Answered by
Writeacher
2 errors in here:
" The topic sentence that use really grabs the readers attention."
Do you see them?
3 errors in here:
"Then when you begin explaining why it doesnt alter the orignial conflict you don't provide strong enough reasons for why it doesnt/ "
See them?
1. Read the whole thing aloud to find the obvious errors.
2. Use apostrophes correctly.
3. Group positive and negative comments.
" The topic sentence that use really grabs the readers attention."
Do you see them?
3 errors in here:
"Then when you begin explaining why it doesnt alter the orignial conflict you don't provide strong enough reasons for why it doesnt/ "
See them?
1. Read the whole thing aloud to find the obvious errors.
2. Use apostrophes correctly.
3. Group positive and negative comments.
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