HELP-REWORD!!! OF DOES IT SOUND CLEAR?
Although I am not part of the LGBTQ community, as an outsider, I personally know someone that this bill would relate to. People not in the LGTQQ community may not understand the political forces that impact people in the LGTQQ community and therefore may not fight for them because it does not directly impact/affect them. Therefore, I would like to propose a bill that would have an impact/effect on the LGTQQ community. A bill that will fully recognize, include, respect, and protect the (the right to vote, to free speech, to fair and equal treatment, etc.,) of all LGTQQ community.
2 answers
Although it is perfectly clear, the last phrase beginning "A bill..." is not a sentence. Perhaps say " My bill will fully recognize, include .... " .
It sounds good and clear but the last sentence that starts with "Therefore" i would change it to say: I would like to propose a bill that would have an impact/effect on the LGTQQ community.
5 answers