Question

How is this?

I trust that this program will help me elaborate my ideas pertaining to the future of Washington. I wish to study Law and Political Science to eventually become some kind of activist, whether it is lobbying, or advocating in some small part-time organization that pertains to any of the topics discussed before: environmental, worldly, and philanthropic deeds.

Answer 1

Much better, but I would explain why you want to do that (ie, make a better world or similar). The word activist has a bitter connonation to some folks,so I would drop it and use some other more neutral phrase .....an agent of change...or....leader...or....positive influence...or think on that. Activist is not always a nice word to use.

Otherwise, much better, you are on the right track.

Answer 2

Rather than using the word "trust" in the first sentence, use the word "believe." It'll work better.

Bobpursley is right about replacing the word "activist."

Answer 3

Thanks!

Can you help me out again?

...encouraged me to spread awareness about current issues especially to Washington high schools; students need to be informed about the issues in their own state. Presently, many of them are blatantly oblivious to current events, for example, when I asked one student who he wanted to be President, he replied “Obama, because McCain is too old.” Obviously, this student has no clue about the political platforms of both candidates; many other students are similar.

I need help ending a paragraphh
im on a word limit- so i need help condensing also (: thanks!!

Answer 4

Well, one word you can get rid of is "blatantly." It's unneeded here.

"has no clue" is slang -- rephrase so that it's more formal.

"for example" starts a new sentence; otherwise, it's a run-on.