Asked by amir

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssse read my short story, it's
down here, and I need to have it read by ppl.
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Answered by mysterychicken
lol
i guess me only reading it wasn't enough :P
Answered by bobpursley
Due tomorrow? It really is pretty sappy. And misses many important points. This is from the viewpoint of the guy ONLY, to have a story, one has to weave both individuals into it with some thread, either irony, or else. On that, I missed the point.
Answered by mysterychicken
oh come on now mr.bob, that's a little too harsh. it was fine! if he included both veiwpoints it wouldn't be a short story anymore
Answered by amir
thanks for tellign me I guess I got to fix it. I really needed that but it wouldn't be that good when you can tell what the girl is thinking. That is why I wanted to surprise the reader by having the girl reject him. Please tell me what I should right. It's due tomarrow
Answered by mysterychicken
if he included all that then it wouldn't be a short story anymore
Answered by Marie
I would love to read it and comment but where is it?
Answered by amir
It is close to the middle. U'll see it its the one with millions of comments and replies lol.
Answered by bobpursley
At least include what the girl was thinking as he leered at her, and what she was thinking when she answered. Did she expect him to ask? Does she have a conflict?
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