Sure, here's a "humorous" version of the Calculate.java program:
```java
import java.util.Scanner;
public class Calculate {
public static void main(String[] args) {
Scanner input = new Scanner(System.in);
System.out.print("Enter the first integer: ");
int num1 = input.nextInt();
System.out.print("Enter the second integer: ");
int num2 = input.nextInt();
System.out.println("Please choose an option:");
System.out.println("1. Add the two integers");
System.out.println("2. Subtract the second integer from the first");
System.out.println("3. Multiply the two integers");
System.out.println("4. Divide the first integer by the second");
int option = input.nextInt();
if (option == 1) {
System.out.println("The sum of the two integers is: " + add(num1, num2));
} else if (option == 2) {
System.out.println("The difference between the two integers is: " + subtract(num1, num2));
} else if (option == 3) {
System.out.println("The product of the two integers is: " + multiply(num1, num2));
} else if (option == 4) {
if (num2 == 0) {
System.out.println("Error: Cannot divide by zero, you clown!");
} else {
System.out.println("The division of the first integer by the second is: " + divide(num1, num2));
}
} else {
System.out.println("Error: Invalid option. You must have taken a wrong turn, clown.");
}
}
public static int add(int a, int b) {
return a + b;
}
public static int subtract(int a, int b) {
return a - b;
}
public static int multiply(int a, int b) {
return a * b;
}
public static double divide(int a, int b) {
return (double) a / b;
}
}
```
Please note that the humor in this code is meant to be lighthearted and not offensive.