Asked by Brandi
I have to submit this paragraph and I am having grammar problems. Can someone help me so that I can correct my mistakes and make a good grade. Here is the paragraph:
My vision of the ideal city is probably similar to what many people would describe as a desirable city. Most importantly, this city has a tremendous amount of opportunity to work and make a good living. There are enough jobs for everyone that is willing to work. The ideal city, to me, has a tropical climate all year long. The cost of living is a good match with the salaries available and the housing is affordable. My ideal city is one that has a population of 60,000-150,000 people. This is desirable to me because I do not want to live in an overcrowded city, but there needs to be enough people to draw in businesses. This model city has excellent healthcare facilities and a goal striving for a healthy population. My idyllic city would have many things to do for all ages. This may in turn lower the crime rate if people have the opportunity to do a variety of positive activities. Some other characteristics of this exemplary city include a growing economy, a favorable government, and a commendable school system. My ideal city can be summed up as one that I consider comfortable and fun.
My vision of the ideal city is probably similar to what many people would describe as a desirable city. Most importantly, this city has a tremendous amount of opportunity to work and make a good living<b><~~the city is going to work and make a good living?? rephrase, please</b>. There are enough jobs for everyone that<b><~~use "who" -- the word "that" is for things, not people</b> is willing to work. The ideal city, to me,<b><~~delete "to me" -- you've already indicated that it's your vision</b> has a tropical climate all year long<b><~~why a tropical climate?</b>. The cost of living is a good match with the salaries available<b><~~add comma; compound sentence</b> and the housing is affordable. My ideal city is one that has a population of 60,000-150,000 people. <b>I would</b> not want to live in an overcrowded city, but there needs<b><~~should be "need" not "needs"</b> to be enough people to draw in businesses. This model city has excellent healthcare facilities and a goal striving<b>the goal strives for this? can goals strive for anything, or is that what people do?</b> for a healthy population. My idyllic<b><~~"idyllic" and "ideal" are not the same**</b> city would have many things to do for all ages. This may in turn lower the crime rate if people have the opportunity to <b>participate in</b> a variety of positive activities. Some other characteristics of this exemplary city include a growing economy, a favorable government, and a commendable school system. My ideal city can be summed up as one that I consider comfortable and fun.
** http://www.answers.com/idyllic
(Broken Link Removed)
=)
My vision of the ideal city is probably similar to what many people would describe as a desirable city. Most importantly, this city has a tremendous amount of opportunity to work and make a good living. There are enough jobs for everyone that is willing to work. The ideal city, to me, has a tropical climate all year long. The cost of living is a good match with the salaries available and the housing is affordable. My ideal city is one that has a population of 60,000-150,000 people. This is desirable to me because I do not want to live in an overcrowded city, but there needs to be enough people to draw in businesses. This model city has excellent healthcare facilities and a goal striving for a healthy population. My idyllic city would have many things to do for all ages. This may in turn lower the crime rate if people have the opportunity to do a variety of positive activities. Some other characteristics of this exemplary city include a growing economy, a favorable government, and a commendable school system. My ideal city can be summed up as one that I consider comfortable and fun.
My vision of the ideal city is probably similar to what many people would describe as a desirable city. Most importantly, this city has a tremendous amount of opportunity to work and make a good living<b><~~the city is going to work and make a good living?? rephrase, please</b>. There are enough jobs for everyone that<b><~~use "who" -- the word "that" is for things, not people</b> is willing to work. The ideal city, to me,<b><~~delete "to me" -- you've already indicated that it's your vision</b> has a tropical climate all year long<b><~~why a tropical climate?</b>. The cost of living is a good match with the salaries available<b><~~add comma; compound sentence</b> and the housing is affordable. My ideal city is one that has a population of 60,000-150,000 people. <b>I would</b> not want to live in an overcrowded city, but there needs<b><~~should be "need" not "needs"</b> to be enough people to draw in businesses. This model city has excellent healthcare facilities and a goal striving<b>the goal strives for this? can goals strive for anything, or is that what people do?</b> for a healthy population. My idyllic<b><~~"idyllic" and "ideal" are not the same**</b> city would have many things to do for all ages. This may in turn lower the crime rate if people have the opportunity to <b>participate in</b> a variety of positive activities. Some other characteristics of this exemplary city include a growing economy, a favorable government, and a commendable school system. My ideal city can be summed up as one that I consider comfortable and fun.
** http://www.answers.com/idyllic
(Broken Link Removed)
=)
Answers
There are no AI answers yet. The ability to request AI answers is coming soon!
There are no human answers yet. A form for humans to post answers is coming very soon!