Question

This is my revised Memo please look at it and let me know what you think thanks for all of your help

TO: Sarah Thomas Executive Event Planner
From: Kaliegh-Anne Peters Medical Office Assistant
DATE: May 14, 2008
SUBJECT: Departmental Training Seminar

I would like to take the time to thank for your continued help with our Hospital. As per our prior conversation I confirmed that DR Melanie Dobler will be our Guest Speaker for one Day Training Seminar on June 28, 2008. I glad to know that you were able to obtain "Truman" room. Which will easily accommodate the 40 people who will be attending?
The following is a list of what I still need to confirm with you.
At
Travel arrangements
DR Dobler is requesting that a mid-sized car with a/c pick her up at the JFK airport 11: am on June 28, 2008
Requisition items
A computer and screen for our PowerPoint presentation. ,
15 tables and 40 chairs
45 photocopies of our training manuals.
Lunch
We are having a causal lunch that includes five meat and cheese platters that we would like delivered at 12 noon from Donnas’ Deli. A variety of soft drinks bottled water is also needed. A dessert platter would be great to accommodate our two breaks

Please feel free to call me at (518) 555-555 ext. 567 if you have any questions.

Kaleigh-Anne Peters
KAP

Answer 1

TO: Sarah Thomas<b><~~add comma</b> Executive Event Planner
From: Kaliegh-Anne Peters<b><~~add comma</b> Medical Office Assistant
DATE: May 14, 2008
SUBJECT: Departmental Training Seminar

<b>Thank you</b> for your continued help with our <b>hospital training program</b>. As per<b><~~Get rid of "As per" -- very stilted - and insert "From"</b> our prior conversation<b><~~add comma</b> I <b>am confirming</b> that <b>Dr.</b> Melanie Dobler will be our Guest Speaker<b><~~lower-case g and s, not capital letters</b> for <b>the one-day training seminar</b> on June 28, 2008. I glad to know that you <b>have been</b> able to obtain "Truman"<b><~~delete the quotation marks; capitalize the R on "Room"~~></b> room. Which<b><~~delete period after "Room" and add a comma; lower-case w on "which" (this will correct your fragment)</b> will easily accommodate the 40 people who will be attending?<b><~~why the question mark; should be just a period</b>
The following is a list of what I still need to confirm with you.
At <b><~~??</b>
Travel arrangements<b><~~add colon</b>
<b>Dr.</b> Dobler is requesting that a mid-sized car with a/c pick her up<b><~~this produced a strange image; a car is going to pick her up? or will she pick up a car? or will someone from the company or car agency pick her up?</b> at the JFK airport 11:<b><~~delete the colon unless you plan to add two zeroes after it</b> am on June 28, 2008<b><~~add period at the end of a sentence</b>

Requisition items<b><~~add colon</b>
A computer and screen for our PowerPoint presentation. , <b><~~delete period and comma</b>
15 tables and 40 chairs
45 photocopies of our training manuals. <b><~~delete period</b>

Lunch<b><~~add colon</b>
We are having a causal lunch that includes five meat and cheese platters that we would like delivered at 12 noon from Donnas’ Deli.<b><~~How can you rephrase that sentence so that there aren't two <i>that</i>'s in there?</b> A variety of soft drinks <b>and</b> bottled water <b>are</b> also needed. A dessert platter would be great to accommodate our two breaks<b><~~add period</b>

Please feel free to call me at (518) 555-555<b><~~add a 4th number here and then a comma</b> ext. 567<b><~~add comma</b> if you have any questions.

Kaleigh-Anne Peters
KAP

Answer 2

Your "I glad to know" reads funny. Can you fix it?

??