You're making progress, but there are still contradictory parts in here:
Even now, I want to be the greatest in all that I do
...
This is another reason why I don't care greatly for competition.
Re-edit: I don't mind competition, expect to the extent that I can become overly ambitious and often lose my ability to think clearly. For example, when I was younger, I used to cheat while playing Chutes and Ladders merely for the sake of winning. Only then, I didn't realize I was branded as a cheater. Nevertheless, whenever any type of victory could be gained, I wanted it. I still do. Even now, I want to be the greatest in all that I do, to be admired for my skill and success, and to make others proud. However, as I have come to recognized my overly-competitiveness, I won't allow any type of rivalry to enter too closely into my mind, where it would surely place such strong desires to win by means of foul play.
This is another reason why I don't care greatly for competition. It often renders people overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a match of a racing video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition and oblivious to the course my actions would take, I rested the match, became rather surely after arguing with my her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner; that it makes us strive to improve. It enables us to remain with honesty insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. Competition is also what drives people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams and hopes, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us live for.
13 answers
Re-edit: I don't mind competition, expect to the extent that I can become overly ambitious and often lose my ability to think clearly. For example, when I was younger, I used to cheat while playing Chutes and Ladders merely for the sake of winning. Only then, I didn't realize I was branded as a cheater. Nevertheless, whenever any type of victory could be gained, I wanted it. I still do. I want to be the greatest, to be admired for my skill and success, and to make others proud. However, as I have come to recognized my overly-competitiveness, I won't allow any type of rivalry to enter too closely into my mind, where it would surely place such strong desires to win by means of foul play.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a match of a racing video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition and oblivious to the course my actions would take, I rested the match, became rather surely after arguing with my her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a match of a racing video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition and oblivious to the course my actions would take, I rested the match, became rather surely after arguing with my her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Now you're at the point at which you need to read this aloud, preferably to someone else. Print 2 copies so that each of you has one, and then either you read to the other person or (better!) the other person reads it to you. You should find and be able to fix things like these:
as I have come to recognized <~~ should be recognize (no -d)
Odd wording!! overly-competitiveness <~~ should be competitive nature
as I have come to recognized <~~ should be recognize (no -d)
Odd wording!! overly-competitiveness <~~ should be competitive nature
I don't mind competition, expect to the extent of interacting with my overly ambitious nature. For example, when I was younger, I used to cheat while playing Chutes and Ladders merely for the sake of winning. Only then, I didn't realize I was unfair and branded as a cheater. Nevertheless, whenever any type of victory could be gained, I wanted it. I still do. Even now, I want to be the greatest in all that I do, to be admired for my skill and success, and to make others proud. However, as I have come to recognize my competitive nature, I won't allow any type of rivalry to enter too closely into my mind, where it would surely place such strong desires to win by means of foul play.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people to become overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a race of a video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition yet oblivious to the course my actions would take, I reset the race, became rather surely after arguing with her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner. I believe that it makes us strive to improve; that enables us to be honest insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. I believe competition is also what drives people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams and hopes, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us live for.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people to become overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a race of a video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition yet oblivious to the course my actions would take, I reset the race, became rather surely after arguing with her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner. I believe that it makes us strive to improve; that enables us to be honest insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. I believe competition is also what drives people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams and hopes, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us live for.
Re-edit: I don't mind competition, expect to the extent of interacting with my overly ambitious nature. For example, when I was younger, I used to cheat while playing Chutes and Ladders merely for the sake of winning. Only then, I didn't realize I was unfair and branded as a cheater. Nevertheless, whenever any type of victory could be gained, I wanted it. I still do. I want to be the greatest, to be admired for my skill and success, and to make others proud. However, as I have come to recognize my competitive nature, I won't allow any type of rivalry to enter too closely into my mind, where it would surely place such strong desires to win by means of foul play.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people to become overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a race of a video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition yet oblivious to the course my actions would take, I reset the race, became rather surely after arguing with her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner. I believe that it makes us strive to improve; that enables us to be honest insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. I also believe that it is what drives countless people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams and hopes, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us live for.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people to become overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a race of a video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition yet oblivious to the course my actions would take, I reset the race, became rather surely after arguing with her, and resumed being a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner. I believe that it makes us strive to improve; that enables us to be honest insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. I also believe that it is what drives countless people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams and hopes, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us live for.
"I don't mind competition, expect to the extent"
What??
What??
I don't know how to revise the beginning sentence of the first paragraph.
Have you read that aloud???
Yes, I have. However, I did notice many errors that were overlooked.
Re-edit: I don't mind competition, except for the fact that I often used to become carried away by it. For example, when I was younger, I used to cheat while playing Chutes and Ladders merely for the sake of winning. Only then, I didn't realize I was unfair and branded as a cheater. Nevertheless, whenever any type of victory could be gained, I wanted it. I still do. I want to be the greatest, to be admired for my skill and success, and to make others proud. However, as I have come to recognize my competitive nature, I won't allow any type of rivalry to enter too closely into my mind, where it would surely place such strong desires to win by means of foul play.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people to become overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a race of a video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition yet oblivious to the course my actions would take, I reset the race, became rather surly after arguing with her, and continued to be a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner. I believe that it makes us strive to improve; that enables us to be honest insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. I also believe that it is what drives countless people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us strive to achieve.
Re-edit: I don't mind competition, except for the fact that I often used to become carried away by it. For example, when I was younger, I used to cheat while playing Chutes and Ladders merely for the sake of winning. Only then, I didn't realize I was unfair and branded as a cheater. Nevertheless, whenever any type of victory could be gained, I wanted it. I still do. I want to be the greatest, to be admired for my skill and success, and to make others proud. However, as I have come to recognize my competitive nature, I won't allow any type of rivalry to enter too closely into my mind, where it would surely place such strong desires to win by means of foul play.
This is another reason why I'm not entirely fond of competition. It often renders people to become overly competitive, to the extend that they may use methods of foul play. For example, although I am not proud of it, I once reset a race of a video game, in fear that my older sister might win and that she would rub it in my face if the opportunity arose. Fueled by ambition yet oblivious to the course my actions would take, I reset the race, became rather surly after arguing with her, and continued to be a "poor sport" until I reigned victorious. However, after my underhanded triumph, another argument with my sister followed, resulting in harsh words to be spoken and disappointment to linger within my mother's eyes.
Even so, I do believe there are many positive aspects of competition. I believe that it brings people, neighbors, even nations who otherwise would be in conflict together in a friendly manner. I believe that it makes us strive to improve; that enables us to be honest insofar as it requires us to compare ourselves to others and be truthful about our boundaries and limitations. I also believe that it is what drives countless people; some to wake, others to succeed. It provides us with dreams, which, as far as I am concerned, are what many of us strive to achieve.
Much better.
Turn it in.
Turn it in.
Does it require any more improvements?
The only other thing I can think of is to go through and identify every single pronoun in there ... and then make sure the antecedent for every single pronoun is crystal clear.
For example, "it" -- make sure it's clear what "it" is.
For example, "it" -- make sure it's clear what "it" is.
Oh. Alright, then.
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!